


Ich Träume Davon

by Rammgirl85



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Adult Content ;), Alcohol, F/M, Hopes and Dreams, Shyness, Strong Language, will they won't they
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7788157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rammgirl85/pseuds/Rammgirl85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was just your average girl, who could only dream of working this closely with her idols, but not only does she work with them- she gets signed up for so much more</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic so it's probably pretty crappy but, hey you've got to start somewhere! I do not own any of the characters songs videos or basically anything else I mention in here. I totally disregarded that things were happening with the band (i.e. Music videos, albums, and stuff like that) so a bunch of things are all switched around to make the story work better. (After all, this IS fiction, so accuracy wasn't really my goal here.) Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it and I'd love feed back and suggestions!

Prologue  
"That's a wrap!" Jordan yelled to everyone in the studio. Everybody cheered and applauded as the members of KoRn walked past her, each giving her a kiss on the cheek and saying thank you as they went by. They each shook hands with Jonas before disappearing to the after party.  
"You did an awesome job with that video," Jonas said to Jordan, "next band we have in here, you're doing the whole thing!" He was obviously proud of how far his young student had come.  
"Haha thanks! Let's hope the next band isn't too crazy!" She said, jokingly. She was proud of how far she had come as well. She loved film school and was so thankful that Jonas had taken her in and shown her the ropes, without him she probably wouldn't have gotten a job.  
They both finished wrapping up the cameras and headed back to the party.  
When they got there everybody was already a little buzzed, talking loudly. Jordan felt two long arms wrap around her from behind. She panicked a little not knowing who it was at first, but upon realizing it was Jonathan, she relaxed a little.  
"Thank you so much! You did such a great job!" He said, not letting her go. She got increasingly uncomfortable, considering she didn't really enjoy human closeness all that much in general.  
"Thanks! You were great too!" She told him, attempting to get free. Instead, he lifted her up and yelled to the entire room, "HEY GUYS LETS ALL GIVE A BIG HAND TO OUR WONDERFUL ASSISTANT DIRECTOR!!!!!!" Oh yes, he was feeling his liquor. She was mortified, but he set her down and let her go. She went and found Jonas, knowing that he would be sober and keep her safe. They stood there for a while, talking and joking about bands that he had filmed. "So, what's the craziest band you've ever worked with?" she asked wondering what she could be in for during this next shoot.  
"Uh, probably rammstein, their antics are often crazy and they really like to go hard core with their videos."  
Just then she was doing the math in her head, seeing what the probability was that she would have to work with them. She should be in the clear.  
The party was dying down when Jonas got a phone call.  
"Hello? Yes this is he. Okay could you please hold, I have to get my assistant director." He looked at Jordan and motioned to have her walk into a small room, able to resume the conversation. He put his  
Phone on speaker and began talking with the client.  
"Hi,"voice with a heavy German accent said. "We were looking to make a live video for one of our new songs and we thought that a live Jonas aukerland video would be cool."  
"Great," Jonas said, obviously recognizing the voice. Jordan sat there, clueless.  
"When is the earliest we can do this?" The German voice asked.  
"Does tomorrow work?"  
"Absolutely." The voice responded. Jonas cleared up a few more things with them and Jordan talked to them explaining how she would take the reigns.  
"Great. The guys of Rammstein look forward to working with you!" *click*  
"Oh, FUCK ME!" Jordan said, anxiety washing over her. She had no idea who was on the phone the entire time. They were her favorite band and the craziest Jonas had ever worked with. All she could do was think of every possible way of screwing this up. She held her head in her hands and let out a long sigh. Jonas sat down next to her and laughed. "What were the chances!" This earned him a look from Jordan that blatantly said "go eat shit" and his laughter subsided. "Look," he said becoming more serious, "you did so well with KoRn and you're a fan of them. They loved you! And besides, the Rammstein guys are so nice, and you know what you're doing." She smiled at him. "Thanks," she said and got up. They went back out to the party and after spending some more time with their newest friends from KoRn and saying thorough goodbyes Jordan went back to her apartment and fell asleep, preparing herself for the rest of her life.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where Rammstein finally makes their first appearance. Thank you to everyone who has been reading! I would love some feedback so make sure you leave a comment! Anyways, I hope you guys like everything so far and like the new stuff!

Chapter 1  
BEEP BEEP BEEP! My alarm clock screamed at me, reminding me why I am not a morning person. Within a few seconds after being so rudely interrupted from my deep sleep, I remembered. Today was the most terrifying day of my life. The feeling of anxiety coursed through me as I thought about what this day held in store. Not only would Jonas be letting me take charge of this video and have me run the entire thing, I'd be working with my favorite band, rammstein. Apparently they were pretty crazy, and I would have to remain composed around the sinfully sexy Till Lindemann.  
I continued to get ready, avoiding my closet for as long as possible. I eventually circled around to it after doing literally everything else I had to do to get ready. I stood there wondering how I could possibly look presentable, rifling through my clothing. Why is something as simple as picking out an outfit so hard when you're anxious?  
After spending much more time than I would like to admit trying to pick out something to wear, I finally got myself in the correct mental state to drive. The entire ride there I was zoned out, playing scenarios in my head over and over, some pleasant, some catastrophic.  
I pulled up to the studio and walked up to the door, where two large men were standing, smoking. I didn't recognize them so I guessed that they were with the band.  
"Gutentag," one said to me as I walked by. Definitely with the band, I thought.  
"Hi," I replied, making it known that I didn't know German. I walked back to the set, finding it increasingly hard to breathe. I was suddenly aware of my every flaw, even becoming conscious of the way I was walking.  
As I turned the final corner I took a deep breathe. No going back, too late now. I walked up to the set to be greeted by Jonas.  
"Hey!" He yelled, walking towards me reaching for a hug.  
"What's up?" I asked, his arms wrapping around me.  
"You'll do fine. Don't stress!" He whispered in my ear. I smiled at him and went to my usual post at my camera and took off my jacket. Looking around, the studio appeared to empty.  
"Judging by the guy who said gutentag to me on my way in they're here but where are they?" I inquired, curious why our clients were so elusive.  
"Back here," he replied, escorting me back to the room where the KoRn after party had been the night before. He opened the door and six tall, black clad, German men turned around and looked at me.  
"Guys, this is Jordan, my assistant director. She'll be running everything for the next few days." Jonas announced  
"So you're ze girl zat we've been hearing all about," Paul said in a heavy accent. "It's a pleasure to meet you." He told me, all of them approaching me.  
"I guess so," I responded, barely able to form words. They each introduced themselves, each giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. They were incredibly intimidating, despite their friendly introduction. Till came up to me to introduce himself and it was all  
I could do not to collapse in front of him. He smiled down at me, pulling me in close for a hug and giving me a kiss on the cheek.  
"I'm Till," he said in his unique baritone voice  
"I'm Jordan. It's a pleasure to meet you." I replied, looking up into his beautiful eyes  
"You too," he said, his huge hands still on my back in a loose hug. He had this strange look on his face, and the other band members had a look on their face like they were watching me encounter something of the third kind.  
After a second or two of Till standing there with his big behemoth hands on me, staring into my eyes with a smirk on his face I recommended getting started on the actual video.  
"Ja!" They all said with great enthusiasm. At least they were into this. I sat around a table with them talking things over when I received the shock of a lifetime.  
"So my plan was that I could have this light in my mouth," Till said, oddly excited.  
"I had been talking with Jonas a few weeks ago and he said it would be really cool." He informed all of us.  
"Okay, how do you plan to have this, uh, light in your mouth?" I asked, mildly concerned.  
"Surgery." He stated bluntly. "Watch"  
He proceeded to put the light through a whole he had put in his cheek through by surgery. In the end, the way it illuminated his mouth was really cool, but it seemed painful.  
"Okay. Cool." I told him, in shock and awe.  
After going over a few more things with them we went back to hair and makeup where they were all tended to and made to look even more intimidating.  
I walked back out to the studio to find Jonas and ask him about the light. He admitted that he should have told me and had a good laugh.  
We continued setting things up and listened to the song we would be shooting for.  
"What's it called?" I asked, somewhat ashamed of my lack of knowing.  
"Ich tu dir weh" he said.  
We gave it a listen and I fell in love with it immediately. They had always been my favorite band but this song was just special. The emotion in Till's voice and the heavy thumping of the bass made me feel like I was being suffocated. I simply adored the song and the way it made me feel. No words in any language could ever possibly describe how I felt while listening to the masterpiece.  
After listening to the song for much longer than I should have the boys of Rammstein came out, dressed up and ready to go. We stood there all laughing and joking, enjoying each other's company while the crew finished setting up the last few things. Things were already going much better than I had expected.  
We started shooting and I immediately reentered the place in my mind reserved specially for it. Every bit of social anxiety or nervousness vanished. The only thing that mattered was the video. Everything around me became virtually non existent. The only way I could possibly explain it is by relating it to the state of mind and athlete enters as they begin a game.  
I was calling out commands to Till from behind my camera like it was nothing.  
"Till chin up! Good."  
"Tilt your head to the left. No! Sorry, my left! Yes! Awesome!"  
"Kind of give me a smirk. Yes! There it is!"  
"More facial expressions! Don't go flat! Ja! Das ist gut!"  
"Beautiful! Give me more of that! Love it!"  
And so on...  
I was almost sad to have our first day ending. They were a pleasure to work with and I really enjoyed having them in the studio, I guess they weren't so scary after all.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going better than Jordan could ever have imagined when they take a turn Jordan never saw coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who has been reading and who has left kudos! I would love to hear some feedback and I hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 2  
A few days had past and we had shot about half of the "ich tu dir weh" video. I loved working with them. Over time we grew extremely close for only knowing each other for a few days and I was really comfortable around them, to an extent. Although I did have my fair share of embarrassing moments.  
One day while shooting, I noticed Till was wearing a jacket that had "sexy as hell" sewn onto the back of it. I thought I was out of earshot of everybody and I read the words aloud, and told myself that the jacket does not lie. As I finished saying that, Till turned around and looked at me and I could immediately feel my face turn red as he began to laugh.  
"You thought I couldn't hear you didn't you?" He asked, amused with my embarrassment.  
"Yes." It was all I could say. I couldn't even laugh, although Till sure could. As I walked by, still mortified he put his large arm around me, bringing me to a stop. He looked down at me and smiled, assuring me everything was all good.  
Our last day finally came, with great sadness, I must admit. The guys had become like a family to me, more so than any other band I had shot. I got along with Till particularly well. We were constantly talking and laughing, it just felt natural. I wished they didn't have to leave.  
We did more joking around that day than working, but by the end of the day we finished everything. I called out, "that's a wrap!" With the weird feeling you get in your throat when you are about to cry. I watched this video turn into something beautiful, meanwhile falling in love with an oddball group of six men from east Germany, and that was hard to say goodbye to. We wrapped up the cameras meanwhile Rammstein meandered about, instead of disappearing to the booze. As I was cleaning up I found Till's jacket, the one with "sexy as hell" written on the back. I took it over to him, marveling at the size of it. (And as creepy as it is, the smell that came from it when the air brushed by it.)  
" I found your jacket," I said my voice catching a little, realizing he would soon be gone. I looked up at him and smiled, with tears in my eyes. He towered over me and smiled.  
"Keep it. You can remember all of the good times we had when you see it."  
As embarrassing as it was, tears rolled down my cheeks as I thanked him for it. He pulled me in for a huge bear hug and held me close.  
"I'll miss you," he told me, stroking my hair. The feeling of the vibration of his deep voice felt good, but his kind words only made me cry harder.  
I stepped back and looked up at him, wiping the tears from my eyes.  
"You probably think I'm like totally weird or something crying because you guys are leaving, but it's just been so nice working with you guys, you've all been great." I confessed, my face turning red from my embarrassment regarding my honesty.  
"It's not weird. This is mild compared to some of the reactions I've seen." I felt a little bit better after hearing this, although I was still embarrassed.  
"Come on, let's go to the after party," he said, taking my hand and leading me the small room that had for some reason always been used for these little parties.  
I stopped to talk to Jonas about everything on the way, crying and hugging him. He told me I did amazing and headed back to the party with Till and I. The guys of Rammstein, Jonas and I separated ourselves from the other people who were at the party, standing in a big circle and enjoying the last bit of each other's company. That was when Flake made the call for the eight of us to go out to dinner.  
"We need to talk things over with you guys," he explained, making me genuinely curious and slightly worried about what they needed to "talk over" with us. We arranged to meet at the studio at 8:00 then proceed to go out to a fancy restaurant, and allowing plenty of time to freshen up and look presentable. (Well as presentable as we could look.)  
I ran home, changed into a nicer dress, quickly did my hair and threw on some red lipstick before running back to the studio to meet the guys. I got out of the car to be greeted by the Rammstein members.  
"Wow," Everyone said as I got out of the car. Everyone except for Till, that is. He just stood there, kind of looking at me, with the same face he had when we met.  
"What?" I asked, a little self conscious? "Too much lipstick?"  
"Heavens no!" Paul said. Almost shocked that I asked.  
"You look so beautiful, that is all." Christoph explained, reassuring me that no, that was not too much lipstick.  
I told them that they all looked handsome in their suits, which in all honesty they did.  
We waited a little longer for Jonas and when he arrived we all piled into the van and headed off.  
We arrived at a beautiful restaurant after a somewhat long car ride full of laughter.  
Till stuck out his hand and helped me out of the car when we arrived.  
"Danke," I said, placing my hand in his, somewhat blushing at his kind gesture. He then held out his arm out for me to take as we walked to the restaurant. I looked up at him with a suppressed smile, trying not to giggle with nervousness.  
"What?" He asked, probably wondering why I would be making such a weird face.  
"Nothing. You're just being such a gentleman." I said. I wondered why he was being so nice, causing myself to worry that he had taken pity in my earlier comments about missing him. The last thing I needed him to think was that I was a pathetic little fan, obsessed with him.  
We proceeded to go into the restaurant, and I was amazed. There was a large dance floor with people elegantly dancing on it, a beautiful fountain, and so many classy looking people throughout the restaurant.  
We sat a large table, near the dance floor. Till pulled out my chair for me and took the seat next to me, further worrying me about him thinking I was pathetic.  
The food was delicious and we all enjoyed spending time with each other and continued to talk and laugh, even more so than usual. This was definitely not going to make good bye any easier.  
The conversation lulled a bit and Till exchanged glances with Richard and Christoph and then turned to me.  
"Come, dance with me," he said, taking my hand and standing up. How could I say no to the man who I've had a little bit of a crush on eve since I first saw him in a music video a few years back?  
I followed him to the dance floor, my hand still in his, trying to keep up with his long strides.  
He walked out to the center of the dance floor and turned to me. He proceeded to put his hand on my lower back and I put my free hand on his large shoulder. He looked at me and smiled, pulling me closer. My heart was beating as fast as it could and I felt butterflies in my stomach, but I couldn't have been happier.  
We gently swayed back and forth for a little while, him occasionally spinning me and pulling me in close again. At one point his cheek brushed gently against mine, letting me feel the stubble on his face. He held it there for a little while, still rocking me back and forth. I must admit that it felt nice, and I was certainly not going to protest it. I let out a little sigh unknowingly, and he held his cheek against mine for a little while longer. After some time he looked down at me.  
"Jordan," he said, grabbing me out of dream land.  
"Yes?" I asked missing the feeling of his face against mine.  
"We had this dinner tonight to ask you and Jonas if you wanted to come with us as assistants on our tour."  
"Oh," I replied, a little taken aback by what he had just told me.  
"So, will you come on tour with us?" He persisted, seemingly eager for an answer. This caught me off guard, and I tried to think of an answer. Words weren't particularly on my mind at that moment. I thought about what I would be leaving behind and I realized, not much.  
"Yes, I would love that," I told him, glad to know that I would not be losing my new (dare I say) friends.  
"Good. I'm glad you said yes," he said, going back to our original position, cheek to cheek.  
I closed my eyes and enjoyed our closeness at that moment. He let out the same sigh that I did a little earlier. It was a happy sigh, expressing a feeling of relaxation and satisfaction. After what seemed like forever I opened my eyes to see Jonas and the other Rammstein boys laughing at us and somewhat mocking us, in a friendly way.  
"Oh no," I said, knowing that our dance would soon be coming to an end.  
"What?" Till asked, concerned.  
"Look," I said, breaking my hand away from his, and pointing to our friends, feeling so embarrassed. Till chuckled softly as they made kissy faces at us and making heart signs with their hands.  
"They're just jealous that I got to dance with a pretty girl and they didn't," he said, once again returning to the cheek to cheek position, continuing our dance. I smiled to myself, not caring who would see, I was having the time of my life.  
A little while later Christoph and Paul danced up to us, Christoph holding Paul like Till was holding me, continuing to mock us.  
"Did you ask yet, Till?" An eager Paul pestered.  
"Ja," Till responded, becoming a little short with him. I just smiled.  
"Did you say yes?" He continued to ask me.  
"Ja," I also responded, realizing that they were majorly interrupting what we had going.  
"Good! We were hoping you would," he said, "now are you guys done here? The restaurant is closing pretty soon and we need to go."  
Till looked at him and let out a sigh that sounded rather angry, much unlike the one he let out before.  
I put my hand on his cheek and turned his face towards me.  
"I hate to cut this short, but it is getting rather late," I told him, trying to prevent any hostilities.  
"I guess so," he replied. We walked over to the rest of the guys, his hand still on my lower back and headed out to the car.  
We all piled in and once again, I sat next to Till. The ride back ended up being excruciatingly long, due to heavy traffic. The guys told me and Jonas all of the details we needed to know in order to pack for our departure in two days. This information was helpful, although a bit tedious to listen to, but it ended quickly. I went to lean my head back on my headrest and try to get some sleep, only to find out that the middle seat in this van had no headrest. My head snapped back and quickly came back up, earning a laugh from Till.  
"You saw that, huh?" I asked, trying to play it cool, " I thought there was a headrest there, I was going to try to sleep and I don't have the car to lean against," I explained.  
"That's an easy fix," he said and put his arm around me and pulled my head to his chest, letting me use him as a pillow. I sighed again, feeling safe against him. I found it extremely weird that he was being so incredibly nice all night, but I was enjoying it, so I figured that I'd just let it go. The rhythm of his large chest going up and down lulled me to sleep, allowing me to dream of things to come.  
A little while later I was awakened by an obnoxious flash, to find a tipsy Richard, Paul, and Christoph taking pictures of me and Till, who had wrapped his arms around me and proceeded to fall asleep. They were giggling like school girls and could barley contain themselves. I motioned to them to quiet down and pointed to Till, warning them not to wake him up, even though it was too late. He shot a dirty look at them, groaned and repositioned his head so that it rested on top of mine. We both drifted back to sleep, pressed up against one another, our breathing in rhythm.  
Not too long after we dozed off we got back to the studio, the car lights coming on and waking us up. Till unwrapped his arms from around me and stretched his giant arms out to the side as I watched, once again marveling at how huge he was. The tipsy photographers decided to present us with their newest shots of us. They had many pictures of us dancing at the restaurant and a few of us sleeping on the car ride back. We were both too tired to say anything, so we just kind of ignored them.  
I said goodnight to all of the boys and thanked them for a wonderful evening and proceeded to my car, which was so conveniently located at the other end of the lot.  
"Wait!" I heard from Till, him jogging to catch up with me. I stopped and turned around, waiting for him to catch up. When he got to where I as he put his hand on my back again and walked me to my car. We talked about the upcoming tour and how excited and grateful I was to be going on it with them. He was glad to hear all of this and seemed even happier that I was going.  
By the time we got to my car, he had finished his cigarette, putting it out on the pavement by stepping on it. I opened my door and went to get in the car, Till leaning on the door and the car, preventing me from closing the door and watching me while I got in. I stopped, turned around and smiled at him, feeling a little awkward having him leaning like that on the car, blocking me from walking away.  
"I had an amazing time with you tonight, thank you for all of that. You were such a gentleman," I confessed, a little wary of seeming over excited about the earlier events.  
"You're welcome. I had a wonderful night too. It was lovely dancing with you."  
"You too. And thank you for letting me use you as a pillow on the ride home."  
"There's no one I'd rather have use me as a pillow," he replied, making me blush profusely. "Gute nacht," he said and kissed me on the forehead. He then turned around and disappeared back to the guys, allowing me to go home and start packing.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner has caused a lot of confusion and Jordan is determined to figure things out. Will she say too much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! I hope you are enjoying things and I am sorry if the chapters got a little jumbled for a little bit- I screwed something up. I think I fixed it now though, so keep reading and feedback would be much appreciated!

Chapter 3  
After two days of non stop packing and many surprise FaceTimes to Till, asking him what I should and shouldn't pack, I was finally ready to go. I was excited to hang out with the guys again, I hadn't seen them since the dinner. (Plus or minus those previously mentioned FaceTime calls, but that didn't count.)   
That dinner turned my world upside down and I still had a hard time believing what had happened, particularly with me and Till. I would sit there, folding clothes, just thinking about what could have possibly gotten into him. Part of me really did believe that he was just being kind, yet another part of me knew the difference between kindness and intimacy, and was rather excited by his strange and sudden interest in me. I eventually convinced myself that "he could have any girl in the world so he definitely wasn't interested" and that he would probably stop doing these things and just go back to fucking desperate attention whores at upscale, out of hand after parties. (My jealousy was apparent, I was not at all opposed to being one of the aforementioned whores and I had no doubt in my mind that I could pull it off.)  
The day of our departure finally came, after much anticipation. We all met at the studio and piled into the van once again. I was in between Christoph and Till, with Flake and Paul sitting up front, and Jonas, Richard and Oli all the way in the back. Our first car ride together would be a long one, all the way to Seattle, so it would be a good test to see how well we all really got along with one another after being in close quarters.   
I had thought about talking to Till about the dinner but decided not to. It would be a long awkward car ride of anything went awry so I found it best to stay on the safe side.   
I was a bit nervous that I would feel awkward around Till during the car ride, but I found that I felt much better than expected. I even decided to be a little risky and talk about other things that occurred during the dinner, trying to get someone to make a comment about me and Till.   
Despite various efforts nobody furthered any conversation I tried to start, and I was getting desperate.   
Just then a poppy upbeat song came on the speakers and I saw my in.   
I started dancing in my seat like a bafoon, purposely being obnoxiously terrible.   
"You know what, dancing was always one of those things I wished I was good at!" I said loudly making sure every damn person in that car could hear me. It took a few seconds for any reaction, but after allowing them time to reflect, Till brought up the other night.   
"What are you talking about?" He protested, "you were dancing wonderfully the other night." Yes! Victory! Now make it last!   
"Really?" I asked, letting it ride and stretching the conversation as far as it could go.   
"Ja. You were very graceful and moved beautifully with the music." I couldn't believe it was working.   
"No, that was all you! You guided me very well the whole time, if you hadn't done that I would have been a mess!" I knew that it seemed like I was fishing for compliments, but hell, there was no going back now- all or nothing!   
Christoph butted in, "you both looked great out there, you were the perfect match!" This was going much better than I thought, his comment even made Till smile.   
I laughed, "really?" I needed him to vindicate his statement.   
"Ja!" A bunch of German voices rang out, now everyone was involved.   
"Listen," Flake said, grabbing my attention, "I don't know why you need all of this reassurance. Did you not have a good time?" Finally, this was getting to where I wanted it to be.   
"Oh my gosh, I had a great time, no doubt about it!" I was really hoping to get Till's input.   
"Did you have a good time?" Flake asked Till, trying to settle the dance debate.   
"I had an amazing time," he replied,  
smiling at me and resting his large arm behind me.   
"Really?" I asked, now for the third time.   
"Ja," God, I loved it whenever he responded with that. The way he stared into my eyes made me feel excited, yet vulnerable, and it was great. Unlike anything I've ever felt before. Time to take this to the next level.  
"Are you sure you didn't mind me using you as a pillow too, I'm sorry if I was a pain." That's right, get to the important shit. Just then, Richard looked up from his phone, excited and jutted in before Till could say anything.   
"Oh my goodness you should have seen him," I was curious where this was going, "Till hasn't looked at peace like that in forever." This earned him a strange look from Till, as if he was hiding something. "He hasn't ever fallen asleep that quickly either." I suddenly found myself in a place that I didn't expect to be in.   
Christoph felt that this would be a good time to add his opinion.   
"If you ask me I think that everyone eventually finds the person that is right for them, and I think that you guys-" Flake interjected, stopping him mid sentence.   
"Schneider!" He snapped and proceeded to babble on in German to him.   
"Bitte, bitte," Christoph responded to Flake's angry rant, making me wonder what he could have possibly said.   
The whole time Till looked rather uneasy and at that point I was with him. He leaned down and whispered in my ear.   
"I'm sorry about them. They don't know when to keep their mouths shut. To answer your question, you weren't being a pain, I was glad to have you sleep on my chest, it was rather comfortable." We smiled at each other and let the others yammer on in the background, having our own conversation, which lasted for hours. I figured I made some progress in my dinner debate and besides, I could ask Oli or Paul about it later, they would explain what's going on to me.   
After the longest and strangest car ride of my life we finally arrived in Seattle. Much to my surprise, they would only be playing one concert in Seattle, but staying in a small condo and working on their album there for a few weeks before continuing the tour.   
We each grabbed a room and regrouped out in the living room. Fitting eight people in that condo was interesting but we managed to do it, and relatively comfortably. We sat there, some of us napping, the others watching whatever garbage they could find on TV. We hung out there, happy to be with each other, just us.   
Dinner rolled around and Till and Jonas went to go get food, leaving me there with the rest of the guys. When Till and Jonas first left, the guys all just sat there quietly, looking at one another, then looking at me, much like they had done before Till and I got up to go dance the other night. I had enough. I needed to know what was going on.   
"Ok, what?" I asked, done with their bullshit. After a few more seconds of them exchanging glances with suppressed grins Paul finally decided to be the one to answer.   
"Oh nothing," he said, innocently "we just find such comedy in the interactions between you and Till." This statement weirded me out beyond belief and made me worry that I did something that showed what I truly thought of Till.   
"What interactions?" I pressed, my tone increasingly bitchier.   
"Well, not interactions, perhaps, what is the word I am looking for?" He searched for the word for a little while and with a burst of excitement, upon finding his word, proceeded to answer. "We just think that your, uh, personalities are interesting to watch, when put together, and the way you two act with each other is interesting." His answer was still not satisfactory to me.   
"The way we act?" I was starting to sound pissed, which in reality I wasn't, I just needed an answer before Till got back.   
"Not act, but your moods. We have never seen Till like this. There is not a question of whether or not he is really happy, when he is with you, and not having to question Till's happiness is something we're not used to." This left me feeling odd, I was happy yet still found this hard to believe. It almost got to the point where I thought my alarm would go off and this whole thing would be over, just a fading dream.   
"Oh, really?" I couldn't think of anything better to say. Oli then entered the conversation.   
"Ja. You and Till seem to just," he glanced over at an increasingly apprehensive Flake, who seemed to be hiding something relevant to what we were talking about. "You two just work." I could tell he wanted to say more but something told me they wouldn't, solely because of Flake's strange reaction to the topic of Till and I.   
I decided to take it one step further.   
"So, okay, listen, you can't tell Till I asked but," I paused, noticing their faces full of eagerness and anticipation, "what was the deal with dinner the other night?" Oh god, no going back.   
They all smiled at me, making my uneasy. Except for Flake. He finally seemed to be okay with the current conversation and was suddenly genuinely interested in what I was asking.   
"What part of the dinner?" He asked, with a smirk on his face, like he knew something I didn't.   
"You know, Till..." I said, my  
insecurity apparent in my voice. After another pause full of strange smirks I decided to be more authoritative.   
"Why was Till acting like that? He was such a gentleman that night and even kissed me on the forehead after he walked me back to my car- had he taken pity in my comments about missing you guys? What was going on?" I closed my eyes and sighed, regret flooding over me. I had just poured my heart out to them and now they would tell Till. Everything would be ruined because of my impatience.   
Flake explained before anybody else had a chance to. "He did not take pity in your comments, but that is all  
I can tell you." He seemed to be more patient with me than he was with the others. His answer left me with more questions, but I had said too much already. After sitting there for a little while I felt the need to clear something up.   
"We are not going to tell Till about this, right?" They didn't respond right away, "Right?" I pressed.   
After yet another strange set of glances between the band members Christoph finally looked at me and smiled.   
"We won't tell him if you don't want us to."   
"Danke." I replied, somewhat relieved. I knew I could trust them, but their close relationships made me worry for a little bit.   
Till and Jonas finally returned with food and we all ate dinner together, talking and laughing, just like usual. I was still on high alert from the previous conversation, but they stayed true to their word and did not speak of it. I was so thankful that I could trust them and knew that I had found a good group of guys.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption. Nothing could go wrong... Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading I hope that you guys like everything so far. I apologize again for typos or any incoherent thoughts, I have been writing this story consistently at 2 in the morning and at that hour who knows what I could write. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter and I'd love to hear feedback!

Chapter 4  
A few days had passed since I had asked the boys about Till, and I found that I had nothing to worry about. There were a few moments when I had panicked and thought they were about to spill their guts, but I was really just paranoid.   
This paranoia had begun to become more common for me. I had always had anxiety, but never quite like this. Sleepless nights hadn't been uncommon lately, but they had increased, thanks to the cryptic messages sent to me by the previous statements from the band members, especially Flake's.   
Three days after our conversation I laid in bed, just thinking. My mind wouldn't stop, just continuous thoughts, some good and hopeful, others depressing and insecure.   
After hours had passed, 2:00 am rolled around and I turned to alcohol to slow these thoughts.   
The guys had gone out on a booze run a few nights back, and I was unsure what they bought, but I was desperate and would drink anything if it meant stopping the thoughts.   
I walked out to the kitchen/dining area, turning on the lights and them dimming them, giving the room a warm glow, and a sensual mood.   
I poured myself a small glass of whiskey and sat down at the table, slowly sipping it. As I sat there, my eyes burning and feeling heavy from my lack of sleep Schneider crept out of the room he shared with Oli.   
"Jordan?" He murmured, careful not to wake anyone up.   
I jumped, and started choking on the fresh sip I had just taken.   
"Jesus Christ, you scared the living shit out of me!" I whispered forcefully at him, not particularly wanting company at that moment. Much to my dismay he sat down across from me.   
"Can't sleep huh?" He asked. No, hunting for elephants, I thought becoming moody from my exhaustion.   
"Yeah." I replied, aloof. We sat there for a few minutes, me still sipping on my drink. "Can I get you anything?" I asked, realizing that he wasn't going away.   
"A beer would be nice," he replied, sweetly. God it was hard to not want him there, he really was a nice guy.   
I took the last sip of my whiskey and got up and grabbed us both a beer. "Danke," he said as I handed him the cold beverage. He took a sip and then looked up from his drink at me. "Are you alright?" He inquired, seemingly concerned. All feelings of not wanting him there melted away and I realized that he wasn't intruding on my quiet time, he was genuinely worried.   
Don't tell him, I thought, say yes, I told myself as I blurted out, "no!"  
I once again felt regret, I knew this was going to go somewhere I didn't want it to.   
He looked at me with worry in his eyes, expressing a concern in my troubles.   
"What's up?" He asked, "tell me what's wrong."   
I opened my self up to him and confessed almost everything.   
"What you guys said about me and Till really freaked me out. I don't know exactly why but it did," he didn't respond allowing me to go on, "listen, I have had an amazing time with you guys and that dinner, well quite frankly confused the hell out of me. I still am unclear on why Till was being so wonderful to me. It's obviously not because he likes me, he could have fucking supermodels wrapped around his finger for god's sake, so basically I'm just asking why on earth would he be so kind?" After my rant, I realized that I had slowly been raising my voice the whole time, but I felt much better.   
Schneider chuckled at me.   
"You worry too much. All I can tell you is that you're losing sleep over something you mustn't worry about."  
I looked at him quizzically, wanting him to elaborate.   
He sighed, "don't repeat this to a living soul," I pretended to zipper my mouth, eager for him to continue, "Till is very fond of you, unlike anything I've ever seen. I don't know how fond but fond enough to be a gentleman." He was about to continue as we heard a door open, and fear struck us both.   
Till meandered out from the hallway, appearing to not have been sleeping.   
"Hey," I muttered, wondering how much he had heard, "did we wake you?"  
"Nein, I didn't even know you two were out here." He sat down next to me and took a sip of my beer, messing with me. Even at this hour he still had a sense of humor.   
"Do you want one?" I asked, kind of wanting my drink back.   
"Ja." I got up and got him one and returned to the table.   
"So, what woke you?" I asked, already aware that he hadn't actually been a sleep.   
"Never fell asleep," he said and yawned. Something about this made him feel small and vulnerable to me.   
"Ha. You and me both," I told him, glancing at Schneider. He was just watching, smirking at us like usual.   
"You have insomnia too?" Till asked, interested in my habit of not sleeping.   
"Occasionally. It's often fueled by anxiety." Shut up, Jordan, don't seem weirder than you already are.   
"Oh. So what were you two talking about?" He replied.   
I looked at Schneider in panic.   
"We were talking about the video shoot tomorrow." Up until that point I had been totally unaware of this happening and I was pissed that the shoot would follow a sleepless night.   
Till nodded, seeming uninterested in the topic.   
Schneider then got up, "ich bin müde. Gute Nacht. Bis morgen." He said and slinked back to his room, tousling my hair as he walked by.   
"So, what was keeping you up?"   
I asked Till, stupidly. He had already sort of told me that he suffered from insomnia, but I was really just desperate to shift the conversation.   
"To be honest, I don't know." He said, locking his beautiful green eyes with mine, making my heart flutter. "You?"  
"Just couldn't slow my thoughts,"  
I replied, keeping it vague.   
"Ah, I've had many nights like that," he said, and took a sip of his beer. He glanced up at me then looked back down at his drink.   
"What?" I asked, delirious from my lack of sleep.   
"It's nothing. Shall we move to the couch?"   
"Sure," I uttered, the alcohol making me too drowsy to care about his sudden weirdness.   
We both plopped down on the couch and simultaneously let out sighs of exhaustion.   
"So are you ready for the video shoot tomorrow?" I questioned, wanting to go to bed yet not wanting to abandon Till.   
"Nein. I love most of the videos we do but I'm not at all excited about this one. I just can't get into it."  
"Who's directing it?"   
"Not a clue. Some guy our manager found."  
"Ah," I replied, agitated that he wouldn't tell me who. As a director myself, I took this type of thing very seriously.   
"Do you at at least know the basic idea behind the video?" I asked, forgetting that this was supposed to be the cover for the conversation I had with Schneider.   
"I know that we basically just stand there with our shirts off, all oiled up and occasionally do things in front of the camera, with a strange girl hanging on me." He sounded a bit frustrated, which was a side of him that I had rarely seen yet, and intimidated the hell out of me.   
"You don't sound thrilled," I commented, wondering what could possibly be so bad.   
"I'm not. You see, I loved the video we did with you because they didn't make some poor girl hang all over me and try and create an appearance of affection between us. It gets embarrassing, having these girls being forced to do things like make out with me or something for the sake of the video." Despite his stage presence and his often larger than life personality in the videos, I was learning that Till was modest and actually rather shy.   
"You poor thing," I retorted sarcastically, "I know plenty of guys that would kill to have that problem!"  
"I'm serious," he said, almost solemnly, "it gets to be awkward and a bit degrading after a while. Don't get me wrong, having beautiful women around is never a bad thing, but sometimes it's a bit much."   
I rubbed his shoulder and told him he'd be fine.   
"I know Schneider told me, but which song is it for again?" I inquired, blatantly lying about my being informed.   
"Du reicht so gut," he answered and took a sip of his drink.   
"Du reicht so gut. What does that mean?"   
"You smell so good. You don't speak German?" He asked, in disbelief.   
"Nein! Just a few stupid phrases I learned after trying to teach myself." I responded, showing that I actually did have a profound interest in the language.   
"Oh. You like languages?" He questioned, seeming fascinated by the subject.   
"I absolutely love languages," I wasn't lying, "I think that languages and cultures are extremely interesting and I actually considered being a translator for quite a long time." I was tingling with excitement, I never got to talk about this with people and actually have them care.   
"What do you speak then?" Till responded, seeming to notice my excitement and feeding off of it.   
"I speak Spanish, I know a tiny bit of Chinese, and attempted to learn a bit of Polish back in high school."   
"Hablas Español?" He asked, responding to my tidbit about Spanish.   
"Claro que sí! Tú hablas también?" I had never felt such excitement. Never would I have thought I would be sitting next to Till Lindemann, speaking Spanish with him at 3:00 in the morning.   
"Sí," he said and chuckled at my excitement.   
We stayed up for hours after, talking endlessly about cultures, travel, the world, almost everything it seemed like, meanwhile continuously drinking, growing tipsier and more relaxed with each sip. Our conversations slipped in and out of Spanish, and Till added in occasional German, vowing to teach me some new phrases.   
As morning crept closer we grew more tired, with assistance from our beverages, and eventually drifted to sleep on the couch, Till falling asleep on my shoulder, with his arms draped around my torso and his forehead pressed into my neck, in a slightly uncomfortable position, due to the size and height difference between us. I didn't care though, I owed him one for the other night and besides, at this point, sleep was sleep, I wasn't going to fight it.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a wild turn during the shooting of the Du Riechst So Gut video. Will things change between Jordan and the guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so I'm finally biting the bullet and posting this chapter. I am deeply sorry for how terrible it is (for those of you wondering based on my previous chapters, yes- it CAN get worse). If anybody has any ideas on how to make this chapter less of a monstrosity I'd love to hear them so make sure you leave a comment! Thank you to those of you who have commented and left kudos! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter if that is at all possible and I promise- it gets better after this. Still not good, but better ;)

Chapter 5  
I awoke to the sounds of bowls of cereal being poured and German chatter throughout the condo. I looked down to find Till still fast asleep on my shoulder and puddle of drool from him on my shirt, which I was not fond of having there.   
I sat there a little while longer, not wanting to disturb Till. Schneider walked out from his room, looked at us and smirked at me, letting me know he remembered our previous conversation through and through.   
I fell back asleep while waiting for Till to wake up. I was still seriously lacking sleep and I could feel that it was starting to catch up to me. Once again Richard and Paul woke us both up, snickering and taking pictures of us on their phones. I never did understand their obsession with doing this.   
Without moving his head from my shoulder, Till looked up at me and then at the wet spot on my shirt from his drool.   
"Oh, my I'm sorry about that," he said, embarrassed.   
"It's alright," I replied, finding a bit of amusement in his embarrassment.   
He sat there for a little while longer, thinking nothing of it. I have to admit, despite the awkward way we were contorted and the inherent strangeness of being that close to one another, I enjoyed having him there.   
I decided it was time to start moving. "Till, I hate to make you move, but I need to get ready. We're leaving in half an hour."  
He groaned and I felt the vibration of his voice on my chest. I would never admit it, but I loved it when I could feel his voice. The deep register he sang and spoke in had always been a turn on, but feeling it's vibration brought on a whole new feeling of yearning.   
He took his weight off of me and allowed me to get up.   
After getting some breakfast we once again piled into the van and headed to the studio.   
I noticed that Till seemed rather withdrawn on the way there, and I remembered what he told me about music videos the night before.  
In a moment of boldness, I took my right hand and placed it on his left, which was resting on his thigh. I felt him reach his thumb up to slightly grab my hand and he looked down at me and flashed one of his rare, sweet smiles at me.   
"You'll be alright," I whispered in his ear and he kissed me on the cheek in return.   
"You are very sweet. Thank you." He whispered back, using his thumb to keep my hand on his. I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his head on top of mine. At this point we both knew that we truly understood each other.  
We rode like that for the rest of the way there. I could tell he was nervous.   
We walked into the studio and met the director, Emanuel Fialik.   
The entire time Till still had his hand in mine. I kind of wanted to let go and talk to the director and see what's going on, but I knew I couldn't leave Till. It would just be a shitty thing to do.   
"It is a pleasure to meet you all!" Emanuel exclaimed.   
"You too!" Paul shouted back, the only one appearing to be excited. Everybody else just stood there, even Jonas.   
"I was told there was only six of you, all men," Emanuel continued, looking at me.   
"There are only six, all male," Christoph replied, seeming almost annoyed at him, "Jordan and Jonas are assistants."   
"Oh. Ok good. I thought I'd have to scratch my original idea." He explained, none of us amused.   
We then went over the video, Till finally letting go of my hand. It didn't seem like much and it was exactly how Till described it. Them standing there, shirts off, occasionally doing something in front of the camera.   
We finished going over the plan and were about to get ready.   
"We'll send you guys to makeup and all of that when our model gets here." I looked up at Till and he seemed to be indifferent to the fact that they would have a girl coming in.   
We waited around for a little while longer when Emanuel got a phone call.   
"Hello? Yes. What? No! Agh well we need her we don't have anyone else who can do this! Okay. Fine!" He shouted and hung up angrily and then looked up at all of us.   
"Our model cancelled." He informed us, pissed at the recent update.   
"Was she that important?" Flake asked, unexcited by the news.   
"Yes!" Emmanuel responded, "do any of you know someone who could fill in?" He asked, hopeful.   
The guys all looked at each other, and then all looked at me, but I ignored it. I was used to their strange, collective stares.   
They grouped together and started talking with one another.  
I heard Richard mutter, "she should definitely do it," he said. I wondered who she was and whether or not she would be the feared stick figure whore who would rip my tiny chance of Till away from me.   
"I can convince her to," Jonas told them, and I wondered if they were still talking about the same girl.   
They dispersed, all smiling, like they had a secret they couldn't wait to share.   
"We want Jordan to do it." Richard told Emmanuel.   
I was shocked. I was in no way a model and was surprised that they would be willing to put me in their video.   
Emmanuel looked at me. He scanned my entire body, up and down.   
"Perfect!" He exclaimed, his excitement returning.   
"Will you do it?" Paul asked me, and I could barely think of an answer. I looked at all of their smiling faces and then at Till, sporting his usual straight face. I felt anxiety grip me as I tried to think of a way out of this.   
"What the hell? Fine." I responded, flattered by the offer but, nervous to take it up.   
"Great. Now to hair, makeup and all of that!" Emmanuel told us as we were shuffled off to hair and makeup.   
Everybody's mood eventually improved as the hair and makeup people did their thing. The crew would grow frustrated with us because we would be laughing so much from the jokes we were telling, making them unable to work on us.   
After hair and makeup Till, Richard, Flake and I were whisked off to wardrobe.   
"Hallo, ich bin Karo." The costume artist greeted us.   
"Sprichst du englisch?" Richard asked "sie spricht nicht deutsch." He informed her, gesturing at me.   
"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't know," she told me, "I'm Karo," she said, holding out her hand for me to shake.   
"It's fine," I replied, not offended by the slightest.   
"Let's get you guys set up! Alright, for Till I have these," she handed him a pair of cargo pants, similar to the ones he wore in the video I shot, "and for you Richard, I have these." She handed him a pair of pants almost identical to Till's. She then gave the same thing to Flake and the boys started to dress themselves, not caring if I saw. Karo then turned to me. "Now, for you," she said, in a way that made me nervous. She turned around and rifled through a bin. She then handed me a small, nude colored pair of thong underwear, one of those strange stick-on bras, and a white fluffy bathrobe.   
I looked down at the stuff she put in my hand and my jaw nearly dropped.   
"That's it?" I asked, finally realizing what I had signed up for.   
"Ja!" She replied, acting like this was totally normal.   
In a moment of denial I asked an undoubtedly dumb question.   
"I'll get to wear the bathrobe in the video, right?" This earned a strange look from her and the boys, they hadn't seen what she handed me yet.   
"Heavens, no!" She replied. I felt my stomach drop.   
"What do you have to wear?" Richard asked, trying to get a peek of what I was holding in my hands. I held up the small pieces of underwear and he just looked at them in shock. He then started to laugh.   
"Oh. Oh my! Haha! Sorry! We didn't know you'd have to wear something like that!" He shouted while laughing.   
This caught Flake and Till's attention and Flake asked, "what are you wearing." I once again held up the undergarments I had been given with a look of great disdain on my face.   
Flake looked astonished, and he had his mouth hanging open with shock. He slowly turned and looked at Till with the same face. Till's face remained straight, yet his eyes grew wide as he looked to his friend. None of us saw this coming.   
"Alright guys, let her get changed," Richard called to them, leading them out of the room.   
I slipped into my "costume" and pulled the bathrobe on. I walked back to the room the boys were gathered in and Paul, Jonas, Schneider, and Oli looked at me, puzzled.   
"You didn't get clothing?" Schneider asked, suspicious of the situation.   
"Oh I did, kind of," I said, unsure of how to tell them.   
"Oh, so you're wearing that robe?" Oli joined in.   
"No. I'm wearing what's under the robe," I replied, biting the bullet. They looked at me again, with faces that revealed their confusion. I decided that the conversation had gone on long enough and I opened my robe, revealing the front of my strange undergarments. Hell, they would see even more later.   
Their reactions pretty much mirrored Flake Till and Richard's but I found that my announcing it this way had a much greater shock value.   
I closed my robe and went along my way, acting like nothing had happened. I was too worried about what was to come.   
A little while later, after everybody had been dressed and all of that fun stuff we were shuffled out to the studio, to see a giant white backdrop.   
Paul turned to Emmanuel and in a moment of blatant honesty he asked, "is that it?"  
"Ja!" Emmanuel replied and proceeded to go over what would be happening.   
During his thorough tutorial of what was to be done, I was met with another surprise. Not only would I be half naked, I would have to be hanging on Till the entire time, in a "sensual and romantic manner" as Emmanuel put it. God, he was a creep. This information earned many jokes from the boys and friendly elbow jabs from them to Till, them once again finding humor in Till and I being so close to one another.   
While it was totally embarrassing to have to do this, I wasn't going to complain. Despite not having a chance in the world with him, I really liked him, and this video would give me the closeness that I craved (even thought it was artificial).   
We started off by Emmanuel having the boys do everything they needed to with the group or solo. They stood in a group for a little bit, making intimidating faces at the camera. They would then do simple things on their own, Emmanuel focusing on Till, having him lip sync to the music and make grand gestures to it.   
Jonas and I stood there, watching and whispering to each other about what we would have done if we made the video.   
Our conversation was then interrupted by Emmanuel calling me to come on set.   
I had never been that nervous before. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, but I didn't dare show it on my face. No one could know that I actually cared.   
I walked up, conscious of every step I took. I stood in front of the white back drop, looked up at Till and smiled. We had grown extremely close over the past few days but nothing could prepare me for this. He smiled back at me, reminding me why I had let myself fall for him even though it would never happen.   
"Ok!" Emmanuel shouted, interrupting my thoughts, "Jordan, hand your robe to Tom!" I shed my robe and turned to find a crew member walking towards me to take my robe. I handed it to him, assuming that it was the aforementioned Tom fellow.   
I looked around and everybody was watching. I felt awkward, even more so than before.   
"Alright, Till, stand on that "x" and face me. Good. Jordan, stand in front of him, with your back towards me." Emmanuel commanded. I obeyed and took my place in front of Till. I looked up at him and tried not to stare at his large bare chest. "Okay now put your hand on the small of her back. Yes. And you put your hands on his shoulders. Never mind, put them on his chest." We followed his requests, not saying a word.   
"Step closer to him! Press yourself up against him kind of," I was commanded. I readied myself to get closer, but Till pulled me in before I could do anything so that the entirety of our bodies now touched.  
"Jesus, you're freezing," Till said to me, softly and holding me tight. His warmth felt good against my skin and I had to fight every urge to lay my head on his chest.   
"Ok playback!" Emmanuel shouted, stopping our single sweet moment in a matter of seconds. "Till! When it says du riechst so gut smell where her neck meets her shoulders!" The chorus approached and he followed orders, I felt his heavy breathe on my neck. It gave me chills.   
Emmanuel had us do a bunch of other things like this, each action more weirdly intimate than the last. I did finally get to put my head in his chest, near the crook of his neck, and Emmanuel had us stand there like that for a little bit. Every once in a while Till would brush his hands against my skin and hold me in a different place, constantly sending shivers down my spine. All the while he was lip syncing to the music, making it look like he was singing to me. Emmanuel finally decided to kick it up a notch for our last few frames.   
"Ok, I kind of want something more," he said looking at us, puzzled. Till held me while Emmanuel sorted his thoughts. Till had a tendency to do this I noticed, but it didn't bother me. Any excuse to be this close to the man of my dreams was good enough.   
Emmanuel took a while to decide what he wanted us to do next so Till and I just stood there, him still holding me. I was growing tired of waiting and forgetting that Till was not mine to lean on I sighed and put my head back on his chest. He thought nothing of it and rested his head on mine, similar to how he had done in the car. I savored every second of us being like that and wished that it wouldn't end.   
"So, is this better than having a random model hanging on you?" I asked, eluding to our previous conversation and genuinely wondering if he was okay with this.   
"Ja," he replied, his voice sounding peaceful. I chuckled and tried to think of other things to ask him, once again, loving the feeling of his voice.   
"I am sorry if this is embarrassing," he continued before I thought of anything good to ask.   
"It's okay," I said, breathlessly. I wasn't going to deny that it was embarrassing, having to hang on to him half naked. "You guys needed my help. That's my job," I went on, trying to make it seem like I was getting nothing out of this except for the satisfaction of knowing I helped.   
"You're so sweet," he responded and I decided to leave it at that.   
Moments later Emmanuel came back, with his usual energy about him.   
"Aww, look at you two! You guys are just the sweetest couple that I have ever seen work on a video together!" I looked up at Till and he looked down at me, both of us confused.   
"We're not a couple." I informed Emmanuel. I then quickly glanced around trying to see if the guys had heard him say this. For some reason I really hoped that they didn't. Of, course they all heard and were giggling like school girls at the mistake.   
"Oh," Emmanuel muttered, "then that is going to make this next part a little awkward," as if what we were doing now was normal.   
The boys' giggles turned into belly laughs.   
"I want to have you two kiss, your chemistry doesn't read quite the same on film. We need to up the anti." He was starting to really bother me, and I didn't know why. The band members were now howling, this information made their day.   
"Ok! Till stand with your side to me and Jordan stand in front of him as usual." We turned, Till's large arms still on me, guiding me to my place. "Now Till, caress her face with your thumb." He placed his hand on the back of my neck and brushed his thumb against my cheek, maintaining eye contact the whole time and taking my breathe away. "Now kiss her!" Emmanuel shouted, startling me a bit. Till kept his hand on the back of my neck and had his thumb against my jawbone. He slowly pulled me closer meanwhile bending down a little to reach me. He then cocked his head to the side a bit and pressed his lips against mine, letting out a large exhale. I moved my hands so that both of my palms rested against his chest.  
His lips were soft and I loved the feeling of the stubble on his face. He ran his hand up my back, and I slid my hands up so that my arms were around his neck. He slowly worked his tongue into my mouth, taking me a bit buy surprise. I didn't think that he would actually kiss me like I was his.   
"Calm down a little bit!" Emmanuel yelled to us. I didn't realize we had gotten that passionate. I could barely think. God, he was a good kisser. I figured he had plenty of experience.   
After what felt like forever, we eventually pulled away from each other. He still held me and I looked up at him and smiled, allowing a small amount of nervous laughter to escape from my lips. He did the same, showing me his rare smile yet again.   
"Okay now we'll do it for real!" Emmanuel called to us.  
"For real?" I questioned, not believing that I would have to kiss him again.   
"I always do a trial run- the first kiss is always the most awkward. Although you two seem to know what your doing." I felt my face grow red and was afraid to look at Till. The guys all sat there with strange smirks on their faces, but these were different than usual. I just ignored them and prepared myself for the next kiss. We did almost the same exact thing and it was even more blissful than the last time. This one lasted longer too, for we were growing more comfortable with each other. We broke away from the kiss and Emmanuel yelled, "that's a wrap," to the whole studio. Everyone clapped and the crew started cleaning up immediately.   
Till hugged me tightly, a typical after video custom.  
"Danke." He said, his strong arms squeezing the life out of me. I rubbed his back.   
"Anything for you guys," I replied and he let me go, once again smiling at me.   
I beelined back to where I had gotten changed and got in my normal clothes quickly. I then stepped outside to have a cigarette and calm my nerves.   
I leaned against a wall, lit the cigarette with great difficulty, due to my nervous, shaky hands and took a long drag, thinking I was alone. I looked over to see that I had been joined by Oli and Richard.   
I slowly walked over to them, still puffing on my cigarette. "Hey," I greeted them.   
"Hallo," Richard said, smiling at me.   
"So, Du reich so gut, over and done with," I stated, attempting to fill the awkward silence, "do you guys think it will turn out well?"   
"I have no clue. This director seems to be a putz but the video was simple enough, who could screw it up?"   
"The same guy that would think Till and I are in a relationship," I muttered, thinking aloud.   
"You and Till can seem unusually close for a man and his assistant," Oli chimed in, "I never thought I'd see the day where Till found someone that he liked enough to have them travel with the band, let alone get this close to them." This comment made me go quiet. I couldn't think of a single thing to say back.   
Just then, Till and the rest of the guys burst out of the studio door.   
"Shall we?" An impatient Flake asked.   
We put out our cigarettes and got into the van.  
We all sat there for a little while, none of us thinking of anything good to say. The silence felt increasingly awkward when Paul decided to break it.   
"So, Till and Jordan," he said making everybody laugh, even Till, "in all seriousness though, thank you Jordan. We didn't realize how, ahem, closely you'd be working with us, but you handled it well."   
"Ja. Danke!" The rest of the van yelled in unison.   
"You're very welcome," I replied, "this whole thing came as a shock to me, but I'm glad I could help."  
"You should have seen your face!" Richard exclaimed, "when Karo gave you your, um, outfit shall we say, I thought you were going to up and quit!"   
Apparently my thoughts were expressed on my face much more than I thought they had been.   
"The biggest shock was when that putz told me I would have to be hanging all over Till in the video." I said, curious where I could take this conversation.   
"Oh, that made my day," Flake stated, excitement in his voice. Till shot a dirty look at him and then looked down at me to see my reaction.   
"I'm sure it did, Flake," I retorted, my voice heavy with sarcasm.   
"I'm sure it made Till's day too!" Paul burst out, almost obnoxiously. Till reached his strong arm back at Paul and punched him in the shoulder, not saying a word. "Ow! Schieße!" Paul whined rubbing his shoulder. The rest of the men laughed. They loved it when someone would squabble with their fellow band mate.   
"You guys looked good though, honestly," Schneider stated, diverting everyone's attention from Paul and Till.   
"Danke." I replied, smiling at him. When we looked at each other I knew was thinking about our conversation from the previous night. He had a warmness in his eyes that showed me that he cared and wanted to see if I was okay with this.   
"Although, it was pretty funny when he thought you guys were a couple," he then added, riling everybody up again.   
Till looked down at me, "I am sorry about that," he said. For the first time ever we weren't on the same page.   
"For what?" I asked.   
"For making it seem like we were a thing," he answered, apologetically.   
"Oh Till," I said and patted his shoulder, "don't be sorry! That director was an idiot, and besides, I was the one that rested my head on your chest. It's really nothing to worry about, just an honest mistake." He flashed a small, sad looking smile on his face after I said that, acknowledging my response. I hoped the guys would stop. I could tell that they were starting to bother him.   
Paul leaned forward, grinning from ear to ear.   
"So was the kiss good?" He pestered, on the brink of laughing the entire time. Flake leaned forward too.   
"Ja. Was it good?" He joined in.   
I could feel my cheeks growing warm from the memory. Of course it was good, hell, it was amazing, but would I dare tell them that?  
I looked up at Till, unsure of what to do.   
"A lady never tells," I responded sarcastically, trying to shut the whole thing down.   
"Aww, come on tell us!" Paul tormented. I looked to Till once more, unsure of what to do.   
I panicked and responded with the best thing that I could think of. "No," I said and tried to laugh this whole thing off, attempting to make it look like I thought I was above this conversation. Any way out was a good way.   
"Was is so bad you can't tell us?" Flake jutted in, knowing what stance he had to take to make me crack.   
"No!" Their persistence was starting to get to me.   
"So it was good?" Paul joined in again.   
"Yeah," I replied. I hoped that this would be enough to satisfy them.   
"How good?" Paul pestered, starting to get on my nerves. I ignored him. Anything that would have come out of my mouth at that point would have probably been snarky and hurtful.   
Realizing that I would not answer him, he turned to Till, figuring he would get the truth out of him. "Till! How good was it?"   
Till looked at him how an older sibling looks at their younger, immature sibling, equally fed up with this whole ordeal. He then looked at me and smiled a little, however not the usual sweet smile I had come to know and love. It was a rather devilish smile, that expressed no remorse for what was about to be said.   
"She knows what she's doing," he replied, shocking me. I didn't know whether he was implying that I was a slut or paying me a compliment. "Any man would be lucky to kiss her," he went on. My heart leaped up into my throat with excitement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Luckily, Paul began to taunt us again before I had a chance to respond and make a fool of myself.   
"Oh!" He yelled and laughed, "Wow Jordan!" I could feel my face turn redder with each word that was said.   
"Till's no rookie himself," I responded, trying to shift the attention from me. "No wonder he can't keep the girls away!"  
"Ja! Till!" Paul exclaimed. Till looked down at me and gave me a shy smile suddenly becoming bashful.   
"So it was really good, I take it," Flake added, pushing the discussion even farther.   
"Yeah," Till and I responded simultaneously, somewhat startling each other. My heart was still beating rapidly from that whole encounter.   
"Ooohhh, Till and Jordan," Richard mocked in a sing-song voice. This earned him a dirty look from Till, meanwhile I shook my head, silently laughing at the level of immaturity throughout the car. I looked to Jonas with a face of "please help me."   
"Guys, come on it was simply for the sake of the video," he scolded. Thank god someone could stop this train wreck.   
"Yes! Thank you Jonas!" I responded, trying to make my disapproval apparent.   
After much laughing, everybody finally managed to calm themselves down, my cheeks still burning from embarrassment.   
We finally reached the condo following what felt like the longest car ride of my life. I disappeared to my room, looking for a quiet moment. I sat down on my bed and sighed, replaying the discussion over and over in my head.   
After only a few minutes of serenity, Christoph burst into my room, startling me.   
"Hey! We're all going to this club tonight, apparently they play really good music- would you care to join us?" He asked, seemingly excited about going out.   
"Eh, I don't know," I said. I was never one for going out and dancing, and just staying in my room and reflecting on today's events was sounding pretty good at the moment.   
"Oh, are you sure? I'd really like it if you'd come," he pleaded and then paused, "I think everyone would- especially Till," he continued in a low, soft voice. I looked up at him with a look of "what the hell" on my face.   
"Oh," I mumbled, coming to the bitter realization that he (and probably everybody else) had figured out how I felt about Till.   
"Come on, just go- it will be fun," he went on, realizing that his last statement about Till bothered me.   
"Fine, I'll go," I moaned.   
"Cool, we're leaving in an hour, be ready!"   
"Ok, thanks," I responded and he turned around and disappeared back to the living area while I got up to change and quickly do my makeup.   
I finished preparing myself, mentally and physically and stepped into the living room, out of the safe haven that was my room.   
"Hey! There she is!" I was greeted by Paul, Richard, and Christoph, who had already started doing shots.   
"Hey!" I said, feigning excitement. I took a seat at the table with them and took a shot- I wasn't about to fall behind drinking yet.   
After a few more drinks and chitchat with the boys the others appeared one by one, each ready to go. We finished our drinks and yet again got into the van, driving off to our night of drunken fun.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing, boozing and secret emotions that are hard to hide. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading and those of you who have left kudos! I won't be updating this as much, my schedule is getting a little hectic and I've been struggling with some stuff of my own so this hasn't been my number one priority. Thank you to those of you who keep reading (despite how terrible that last chapter was- I'm so sorry!) I really hope that you guys are enjoying everything and I would LOVE some feed back!

Chapter 6  
We arrived at the club after a relaxed and uneventful car ride- our first one so far. We walked into the club and were met by the sound of Nine Inch Nails being blared throughout the place and people yelling over the loud music.   
"Fuck yeah!" I yelled, the music getting my adrenaline pumping and my earlier drinks putting me in a good mood.  
We grabbed a table near the bar, making sure that the alcohol wouldn't stop flowing.  
We all hung out around the table for a little while acclimating to the vibrant energy of the club. I was actually enjoying myself, much more than I thought I would. The entire time we were at the table I was gently swaying to the music and singing along with it if I knew it well enough, meanwhile eyeing up the dance floor, debating how much of a fool I wanted to make of myself.   
As I was growing more relaxed thanks to my strong drink, Marilyn Manson started blasting over the speakers.   
"Oh HELL yes! I fucking love this song and they never play it!" I yelled, swaying a little more aggressively to the music.   
Christoph looked at me and laughed.   
"Come on, let's go dance!" He shouted to me, smiling.   
"Ok!" I yelled back and followed him to the dance floor, feeling a little less ashamed going out there with somebody by my side.   
We danced around for the duration of the song, cracking up at Christoph's inability to dance well, which was surprising- after all, he was a drummer and I would expect him to have more of a sense of rhythm.   
Till eventually joined us just as their song Engel came on. I had always found this song easy to dance to and I made sure to flaunt that with Till being there. I gyrated my hips and moved around with grace, and that wasn't the alcohol talking. Till would take my hand and spin me around every once in a while, but he and Schneider mostly just watched me while dancing around a little bit.   
After a few more songs, Till drifted back to the table. Schneider and I kept dancing, we were actually really enjoying ourselves. Every once in a while I would glance over to the table, kind of wanting Till to come back, longing to be close to him again, meanwhile knowing in the back of my mind that it would mean nothing.  
A little while later, a strange commotion at the table caught my eye. I looked over to see what was going on and I noticed that a small group of girls had formed at our table, appearing to be fans. I thought nothing of it and continued dancing, they were nothing to fuss about.   
A few more songs played through and I looked back at the table. A few girls still lingered, two bumped up against Till, flirting their asses off. Who could blame them? I thought and dismissed it- I would be doing the same thing if I had stumbled across him at a club.   
More Nine Inch Nails came on and Christoph and I started rocking out to it- nothing could kill my vibe now!  
The music slowed down a little and I noticed Christoph looking towards the bar, with a concerned look on his face. My eyes wandered to where he was looking and I felt my heart shatter. A million fucking pieces, just broken. Till had kept one of the girls around and had his arm around her, standing at the bar. She would stand up on her tip toes and speak into his ear and he would bend down and do the same. They were smiling and laughing the entire time, especially Till. They seemed so happy with each other and were hardcore flirting. My mind started racing. Goddammit!  
I thought. She was one of the feared stick figure whores, who would remind me of the brutal reality that Till would most definitely not be interested in a girl like me. I was the dorky little assistant. Nothing more.   
"I'm going out for a smoke!" I yelled to Schneider and ran off the dance floor over to grab my cigarettes, Christoph following.   
I stepped out the back door, Christoph still following me. When I got out I leaned against the wall, thanking God that no one else was out there, besides Schneider. I whipped out my cigarette and lighter and tried to light it. I was so upset my hands were shaking uncontrollably, making me unable to light the damn thing.   
"Ah, fuck!" I yelled and dropped my arms to my sides, feeling defeated. Christoph took my lighter from me and proceeded to light the cigarette that I still held between my lips. He then lit his own.   
I looked down and sighed.   
"Are you okay?" Christoph asked, tenderly.   
"Just peachy," I growled, my voice full of pain and anger. I was pissed. Pissed that Till would spend time with a whore like her, pissed that she was flirting with him so much, pissed that he was falling for it, and most of all, pissed that I could be so stupid. I let myself fall for someone that I knew I couldn't ever have. How could I possibly be so simpleminded and let something like this happen?  
I looked up, my eyes burning, threatening to let tears start rolling down my cheeks. I shook my head and chuckled at how naïve I had been. I looked over at Schneider and realized he had been watching me this whole time.   
"What's happening?" He asked, concerned.   
I simply looked at him. Would I dare tell him how I felt about Till?   
"It's okay. You can tell me," he murmured, placing a friendly hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breathe. Don't tell him. You don't have to tell him. Don't do it! I thought, and proceeded to spill my guts.   
"Don't repeat this to a living soul," I started off, accepting the fact that things would be generally fucked up from now on. "You and everybody else have probably figured this out by now but I kinda like Till," I felt my heart starting to beat faster. Why would I do this? "I know that it will never happen but it still sucks ass to see him with some girl who's looks like a fucking model, meanwhile I'm the dorky little assistant with a nerdy crush on him." That was it. He knew everything now.   
"Oh," he sighed and smiled at me sadly, showing sympathy for what I was feeling. He then pulled me in for a hug, holding his cigarette out to the side, so he wouldn't burn me. I did the same, turning the thing into a strange one armed hug. It was awkward, but closeness felt good.   
"If it makes you feel any better, those girls never stick around long and they almost never actually interest Till," he said, trying to console me. I didn't respond. I was too mad at myself to think of an appropriate response. "And you shouldn't say that you would never have a chance with him. If you want something bad enough, you should go for it- you never know what might happen," he went on, trying to lift my spirits.   
"I suppose you're right," I commented on his tidbit about going for something I really want, "it just seems as if something like that could never happen. Working at it would just make things worse."   
"Just don't write off any options. You never know what might happen," he said.   
"Don't tell Till!" I snapped, worried that he would try to save the day and say something stupid to him. He assured me that he wouldn't. We stood there a little while longer, me still trying to collect my thoughts. I flicked my cigarette butt to the ground and stepped on it to make sure it was out.   
"Shall we go back in?" He asked.   
"I suppose so. I can't hide out here all night," I joked and we went back inside.   
I ordered a few more drinks and downed them quickly, scared to look for Till and the girl.  
After sitting at the bar for a little while, I made my way back over to the table, part of me hoping Till would be there, another part of me not wanting to see him for a while.   
When I got there I saw that he was now flying solo, sitting at the table and talking to Flake.   
"Hey!" I heard Richard yell.   
"Hey!" I shouted back, thankful that somebody was giving me a reason to avoid Till for a little bit.   
"You looked like you were having a good time out there, I never took you for much of a dancer," He said as I took the seat next to him.   
"I'm not much of a dancer, but I was having a good time," I replied, thinking about whether or not I should ask him about what was happening with the girl.  
We continued talking for a little bit, joking about Schneider's inability to dance and him informing me on the group of girls that I had seen.   
"They were just a few fans that came by," he told me, affirming my assumptions on them.   
"Was that a fan that was hanging around with Till?" I asked, giving up on trying to make it seem like I felt nothing more than friendly with Till.   
"She was this one girl who he just couldn't get to leave him alone," he stated, "he bought her a drink to be nice and her friends eventually came around and retrieved her. She was pretty drunk."   
Oh. I thought. In a weird way, I was almost thankful for the confusion. It was the wake up call I needed, I couldn't go on with the delusion that something could happen between us. At the same time, I was skeptical and could only hope that he was telling the truth. I shoved these thoughts to the back of my mind and kept on talking with Richard. After a little while a huge, tall figure loomed over us. I turned my head and looked up to see Till.  
"Do you mind if I steal the lady for a little bit?" He asked Richard.   
"I guess so if the lady's okay with it," he replied, looking to me.   
"Yeah," I said. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, and feared that Christoph had said something stupid.   
"Good," he responded, "come with me."   
"Uh okay," I mumbled and got up. He smiled at me and put his arm around my waist. At this point, being close to Till still made my heart explode with excitement, despite how frequently it happened anymore.   
He led me over to the bar and sat down next to me.   
"Shots?" He offered.   
"Sure," I forced myself to respond. I was still trying to figure out what was going on, so I was barely aware of what I had just signed up for.  
Till ordered and the bartender slapped down two tequila shots in front of us.   
"Ready?" Till asked, anticipation present in his voice.   
"I guess so," I replied, noticing his excitement, yet ignoring it in a way. I had never been much of a tequila drinker so my main goal was just trying to get through these next few moments.   
"Ok. Eins, zwei, drei!" He shouted and we both downed the harsh tasting liquid. I kept my grimacing to a minimum which seemed to impress him and shock me.   
We sat there awkwardly for a little bit when finally I decided to cut to the chase.   
"So who was that girl that you were hanging out with?" I pestered, feeling weirdly clingy and over protective for asking.   
"Just a fan. She was pretty drunk and we couldn't get her to go away, so I was just kind to her. Could you imagine if you met a band you always liked and they ended up being complete assholes?"   
"That has always been one of my fears," I responded, realizing again what a decent human being he was. "Actually, I was terrified to meet you guys for that very reason," I blurted out, accidentally allowing my inner thoughts to be heard.   
"Really?" He asked, in disbelief.   
"Yeah. That or I'd do something totally idiotic in front of you guys." I replied, falling right back into routine and talking with him like normal.  
"So, were we complete assholes?" He asked, somewhat joking around with me.   
"No, but we haven't been together that long," I responded, messing with him.   
"Oh," he said and chuckled "well I'm glad that you've been okay with us. The guys certainly like to mess around with us," he stated, referring to the times like the car ride earlier that day.   
"That's okay," I laughed "it keeps things interesting!"   
We both snickered at that remark and kept on talking. The entire time we were at the bar we were both continuously drinking, but we handled our alcohol well. Mid way through our conversation my cheeks actually started to hurt from smiling so much. Despite having felt so shitty before, I was enjoying everything throughly now and tried not to let my thoughts get the best of me. After a while I noticed that Till was starting to get a little antsy. Following a brief pause where we both stopped talking in order to sip our drinks he turned to me.   
"Would you like to dance?" He offered.   
"I'd love to," I responded and he led me to the dance floor.   
The alcohol brought out a bolder side of Till, making him even more fun than I thought possible. We danced together closely, every once in a while brushing up against one another. I had to try my best to seem like less of a bad dancer than I already was, and try to look somewhat sexy in front of Till. I may have just seen the harsh realities of things, but a girl can dream.   
After a while I had grown used to dancing with him again and took his hand, making sure that the distance between us wouldn't increase too much. I could definitely feel the liquid courage helping me become more extroverted. I soon felt his hand leave mine and worried that I had done something wrong. These fears were put to rest when I felt two large hands on my hips and looked up to see Till staring into my eyes with a look of dominance on his face. My heart skipped a beat when I looked into his eyes. I then reached my arms up and put them loosely around his neck. We danced like that for a good amount of time, occasionally pressing up against one another, alcohol taking away most boundaries.   
After dancing for a while, the Rammstein song Tier came on. It was always one of my favorites and I found it easy to dance to, much like Engel which had been played earlier. I would flick my hips to the beat, occasionally brushing against Till. As the vocals started, Till joined in, nearly causing my heart to stop. His smooth baritone voice drove me crazy when I listened to their music, but hearing him sing in person was even more amazing. Till sang along with an aggressive look on his face, like he wanted to throw me up against a wall, not breaking eye contact the entire time. For the entirety of the song I felt pure bliss, elated to be there with him, enjoying that moment.   
We danced for a few more songs and despite enjoying every second with Till, I was beginning to grow tired and could feel that our night out was soon coming to an end.   
I stood up on my tip toes and pressed myself up against him.   
"How about we see what the guys are up to?" I spoke into his ear.   
"Ja," he sighed back. He put his hand on the small of my back and walked me back over to the table, still sort of pressed up against me.   
We got back to the table and sat closely together, his arm around me. We talked and drank some more, my blood alcohol level rising and taking away my better judgment. I flirted a little more than usual, taking Christoph's words of motivation into consideration and feeling significantly bolder due to my many beverages.   
There were many moments throughout our time together that night where I had thought about telling him how I really felt. I felt rather liberated after I told Christoph and I wondered what could possibly happen if I told Till. The thought would pop into my head and I would feel my stomach drop with fear and I would tell myself that it was most definitely a bad idea. After all, what was the point if I was aware that he could never feel the same towards me?  
We talked for a while until Flake decided it was time to leave.  
"Are you guys ready to leave yet?" He started off. I looked up at Till with a melancholic look on my face, as if us leaving would cause us to part forever. Till responded with a similar, yet much angrier look.   
"Nein," he snarled back. I could tell that he hated it when people would pester him to do something when he didn't want to.   
"Well, we're leaving soon so be ready in ten minutes," Flake instructed, not allowing anymore griping from Till.   
We sat there until the guys almost left without us, both of us not wanting the night to end. I continued my pitiful attempt at flirting and if I wasn't mistaken, Till was doing a considerable amount of the same.   
We rode home in almost complete silence. We were all exhausted and couldn't wait to return to our own beds and drift off to sleep.   
After what felt like an eternity, we got back to the condo and all said goodnight to each other. I disappeared to my room and laid there, smiling to myself about my encounters with Till earlier that day before I drifted off to a deep, sound sleep.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of the first concert has finally arrived! Will the show be a distraction from Jordan's undeniable feelings or just a painful reminder of what she can't have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I'm sorry it's been taking me such a long time to post- these past few months have been kind of tough for me personally and I've been crazy busy so my writing has fallen by the way side. Thank you to everyone who has left kudos! I hope that you guys are enjoying everything and I encourage you to leave comments, I am incredibly open to suggestions about how to improve this story and would love to hear what you guys have to think. I will be working to get another post up soon, but it will probably be a little while. I hope you guys enjoy this! Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7  
About a week had passed since our night at the club. That night had caused so many different emotions for me, I still was incredulous that all of that could have happened in one evening. I had also since tried to forget the music video, which ended up being harder than I thought. Despite how awkward the circumstances were, I would catch myself smiling at the memory of the feeling of Till’s lips and how safe I had felt standing there with my head resting on his chest. This happened much more than I would have liked to admit, and whenever Christoph caught me doing this he would ask what was on my mind. I would often say to him,"oh, nothing," but he never believed me. "Whatever it is it must be pretty good," he would comment, flashing me a knowing smirk and reminding me of my moment of honesty I shared with him at the club.   
When Christoph wasn't there to interrupt, these pleasurable thoughts would often come to an abrupt stop when I would think, remember what happened at the club. Remember how it felt to see him with another girl. Don’t think that it can ever happen between you two. Imagine how it will feel when you see him with a girl that he’s actually interested in. Do you want to feel that miserable again? These dark thoughts occurred more often than I would have liked, but were usually put to rest by one of the guys making me laugh.  
We had all grown increasingly comfortable with each other and started to become extremely close. We often all hung out together, and the laughter was seemingly endless. It appeared to me that everyone felt truly happy and that the group’s dynamic was good. We could come to each other if we had a problem and we’d be happy to help our friend out. It just felt natural.   
Despite feeling relaxed around the guys, (even Till) my sleep habits were still increasingly strange. I would lie awake at night and then venture out into the kitchen, often having an alcoholic beverage to slow everything down a little bit.   
I would often find Till at the table, his head in his hands, thinking over pyrotechnics for their shows. When I first found him like this I wasn't sure if I should join him and would often just sit there awkwardly, keeping quiet and letting him have peace to think. After a while I finally got the balls to ask him what he was doing. He seemed almost glad that I asked and happily told me about his pyro plans. This would become a routine thing, we would stay up until ungodly hours, him often telling me what went into their onstage stunts. He seemed happy to have someone to teach and he would love it when we would try and work together to brainstorm ideas for possible effects. During these brainstorming sessions, one of us would often drift asleep. I would stare off into space while trying to think of something and suddenly, the feeling of Till's weight on my shoulder would rip me out of my daze and I would look down to find him asleep. Whenever this happened, I would gently nudge him and wake him up, and tell him to go to bed. "Du brauchst Schlaf. Gute Nacht, Schatz," I would whisper as he groggily smiled at me, making the pain of knowing I couldn't have him even worse. As frequently as he did this, I was not one to talk, for I fell asleep almost just as often. Till, being the unexpected gentleman he often was, would pick me up and carry me to my bed and place me in it.   
"Gute Nacht, mein Schatz," I would hear him murmur to me. The first time he said this to me  
I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. While just being in this man's company made me incredibly happy, it still pained me to think that we could never be anything more.   
As the relationships within the group strengthened, our final night in Seattle drew closer. They would be playing a concert there and be leaving the day after, taking me and Jonas with them.   
We all packed our things and put our bags on the bus, proceeding to head over to the venue. Everyone was fairly quiet on the way there, anxiety and anticipation running through everybody. I was impressed at how nice the bus was upon getting on. I plopped down on the couch that was on board and soon enough Till and Paul sat down on either side of me. Paul looked down at me as he took his seat, flashing me his infectious smile. I did the same, unable to avoid the feeling of happiness I got when he did this, which was often. We quietly chatted on the way there, discreetly giggling throughout our entire conversation, him telling me about what this tour had in store. We were the only ones talking and in the middle of a fit of laughs from both me and Paul I caught Christoph intently watching us out of the corner of my eye.   
We went on talking a bit longer, me still watching Schneider out of the corner of my eye, his gaze making me kind of uncomfortable. I shifted on the couch and accidentally locked eyes with him. I smiled at him, wondering why on earth he was watching us so much. When he was sure that I saw him he held eye contact with me, breaking it briefly and looking to Till and then back to me, as if he was signal me. I shrugged it off and kept talking to Paul, not entirely sure of what he wanted me to do. He kept watching us as we conversed. I waited until Paul was to busy laughing to notice what I was doing and looked at him again, mouthing "what?" to him. Without breaking eye contact he nodded towards me, then flicked his head towards Till. Still confused, I turned to Till to start talking to him, glancing over my shoulder to see if I was doing what Christoph wanted. He nodded and I proceeded to grab Till's attention. I lightly tapped him on his large shoulder, startling him. He lifted his head from his hand and slightly smiled at me, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside.   
"So are you ready for tonight?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder again to see Schneider's reaction. He gave me a small nod and a warm smile, making me wonder why me talking to Till was so important to him. "To be honest, I don't think I'm ever ready," he responded, making it unclear whether he was nervous or just plain tired of performing.   
"Why not?" I asked, slightly fearing that he would tell me he didn't want to perform.   
"I'm just so nervous, if something goes wrong..." He replied, anxiety thick in his voice.   
"You'll do fine. I know it," I said in the best calming tone I could pull off while being this excited for the concert. I put my arm around him and and gave him a gentle squeeze, my head resting on his shoulder for a few seconds. He let out a small, warm smile when I did this, causing my heart to flutter a little bit when realized that I got the infamously moody Till Lindemann to smile with a gesture that small.   
We talked for the rest of the way there, him seeming to relax a bit, even occasionally laughing. I still watched Schneider in my peripheral vision, troubled with why he needed me to talk to Till. There was no way that I wasn't going to ask him later, I just had to wait for the right moment.   
After about an hour, we reached the venue. As everyone marched off the bus, I made sure to be right behind Schneider, wanting to ask him why he had suddenly gotten so weird. Before anything could side track him I grabbed one of his belt loops, stopping him dead in his tracks. He turned around to see what had snagged him and saw me, my finger still looped on his pants. I could feel fear and shock wash over me when I realized what I had just done, expressing it blatantly on my face. Schneider also sported a look of shock, upon realizing it was me. When we saw how much we had startled one another we broke down into laughter, unable to talk for a minute or two because of the fierce giggling going on between us. When we finally calmed down enough to have a normal conversation I cut to the chase, trying to get a good answer before he had to go on stage.   
"What was that about?" I interrogated, an unusual authoritative tone to my voice. After a few seconds of Christoph trying to look innocent, he buckled.   
"The bus? Well, I just thought that you two should talk," he explained, further confusing me.   
"Why?" I went on, still trying to get a clear answer. He gave me an impatient look, as if I should have been able to guess what his motive was. He then looked down at his feet and smiled, running a hand through his hair.   
"I think that you two would be a good match for each other. Neither of you seemed to be biting at a perfect opportunity to get to know each other a little bit better, and I knew that you would appreciate it if I encouraged you and pointed out the chance," he explained, the first part of his confession making me feel flustered and unsure how to react. This strange gesture showed me how much he cared for both Till and I, despite only knowing me for a month or so.   
After we had hashed things out, we proceeded to the dressing rooms, everybody getting increasingly excited for the upcoming show. As an assistant I basically ran back and forth from dressing room to dressing room, attending to everybody's needs. The entire time I was replaying my discussion with Schneider in my head, wondering if he really thought that Till and I would be a good match. He really had no ulterior motive to say something like this from my point of view, so I decided to take what he said to me seriously. Maybe I wasn't doomed to the life of the dorky assistant, maybe if Schneider thought we would make a good pair, other people did too. I smiled at the prospect and thought about how nice it would be, only to be interrupted by seeing a few gorgeous, rail thin women walking back to hallway with the dressing rooms. Well, that was a nice thought, People thinking we would be a good couple, but it was nothing more than a fantasy, I thought, my self esteem plummeting once I saw them heading towards Till's room. I decided to tend to something else for the time being, keeping myself occupied to prevent myself from becoming upset. Why did life always have to be so cruel like this?  
I spent most of my time with Richard and Paul, both of them explaining different things to me. I barely listened, uninterested in anything that didn't concern Till. The thought of what Schneider had said to me wouldn't leave my mind, and I couldn't help becoming pissed at him for raising my hopes. Yet again, in a moment of stupidity, my heart ached for the man I couldn't have.   
"Jordan?" A voiced asked, ripping me out of my state of deep thought. I looked up and realized that Richard was calling my name, trying to get me out of my daze.   
"Hmm?" I replied, hoping that I didn't offend him by zoning out while he was speaking to me.   
"Till needs help in his dressing room," he said tenderly, seemingly sensitive to the fact that I had been thinking hard about something.   
"Oh, uh, okay," I stammered, forcing myself to trudge back the hallway where I had seen the other women. I stood there for a moment outside of Till's door, taking a deep breathe before I gave a warning knock and entered. I looked in and much to my surprise, Till was sitting in a chair, elbows on his knees and head in his hands.   
"Till?" I cooed, approaching the behemoth, terrified of what his reaction to me coming into his room could be.   
He sighed and looked up at me, clearly distraught over something. I looked around the room, seeing if any of the women I had seen earlier were in there.  
"Are you okay?" I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. He raised his eyebrows at me slightly and pursed his lips, running his hand through his hair and pushing a black strand out of his face. He then returned to his original position. He sighed and after what felt like an eternity finally answered my question.   
"I don't know," he groaned looking up at me with his gorgeous eyes. Upon seeing that we were alone, I walked over to him and kneeled down in front of the seemingly broken singer. I reached up and put a hand on his shoulder, attempting to be comforting and uplifting. He looked up at me when I did this and all I could do was let out a small smile, and tell him that I knew he would blow the crowd away and be amazing. He let out a small, pained looking smile and brushed my hair out of my face, resting his large hand on the back of my head. We sat like that for a few seconds until I remembered that he had to get ready.   
"Come on, let's get you ready to go," I murmured, rising up on my knees a little bit. That moment between us made me feel extremely close to him and gave me a bit of courage. Feeling elated and unstoppable for some odd reason, I decided to place a chaste kiss on Till's forehead. He simply smiled again and I proceeded to start trying to get him ready.   
"I'm going to get your stage clothes, I'll be back in a second. While I'm gone get started on whatever makeup you're wearing," I instructed, knowing that he needed a bit of motivation to get going. I left the room and grabbed his clothes and marveled at the amount of buckles and straps on the leather articles. When I had gotten back to Till's room I walked in and thankfully found him getting his makeup on. The black stuff he had smeared around his eyes and put on his lips made him look even more intimidating than he already had, causing me to be extra careful of his already foul mood.   
"Alright, I'll let you finish getting yourself ready and I'll be back to get you when you need to get to the stage," I said, placing the clothes on a nearby chair and looking up at Till. The large, menacing man suddenly looked like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do with himself.   
"Do you mind giving me a hand? There a lot of buckles on these things," he said, gesturing at the pipe of clothes. I was shocked at the request, expecting him to want his privacy.   
"Uh, sure," I stuttered, dumbfounded by the question. He promptly started ripping his normal clothes off, not showing any concern over me seeing. I went over to the chair and grabbed his pants then went back over to him, holding the clothing out. Instead of taking it from me like I thought he would, he put a hand on my shoulder and used me to steady himself as he put each leg through his pants. Feeling that the awkward silence had gone on long enough, I tried to get some banter going between us.   
"Have you had any visitors back here or just me?" I asked, somewhat trying to see if the women I had spotted earlier had been back here with him.  
"There were some girls back here earlier, but I just took some pictures with them before politely excusing myself," he replied, bringing me a feeling of relief when he seemed to have little interest in them. Maybe I did have a chance, he obviously had a lack of interest in the tall, model like fans, that he could have at any moment if he wanted.   
He then started fumbling around with the buckles on his pants.   
"Here, let me get that," I said, lowering myself to my knees in front of him. My fingers went to work with the buckles, kind of shaky from nervousness about being around Till. Despite having gotten close with him, I still feared doing something stupid in front of him.   
"Let me know if any of these are too tight," I instructed, not wanting to cut off circulation anywhere. As I pulled the various leather straps on the pants into place, I heard a knock on the door and was too preoccupied with the buckles to peek around Till and see who was there. I heard the door open and someone enter.   
"Whoa. Sorry! We'll give you guys some privacy," the guest said with a tone of shock and embarrassment in his voice. I peered around the towering man in front of me to find that Richard and Schneider had both come into the room.   
"What's the big deal if you guys are in here?" I asked, naively. When they both gave me a slightly disgusted, yet amused look, it finally clicked, and I realized what it looked like I had been doing from their angle. From behind Till, it was hard to see what I was actually doing, but a woman on her knees, eye level with a man's crotch usually can only mean one thing.   
"Oh my god," I gasped as I realized what it looked like, my entire face turning bright red from mortification. All of the men started laughing when they saw me finally make the connection as I sank from my kneeling position to a ball on the floor, unable to breathe from laughing so hard.   
I looked up at Schneider, accepting what had just happened and in response, he just waggled his eyebrows at me and gave me a mischievous smirk. Feeling myself immediately start to blush again, I went back to work on Till's buckles, and finishes fastening the last few straps. Meanwhile, the men started to babble on in German. The three of them rarely did this around me and I wondered what they could've been saying. I listened for words and phrases that Till had taught me, but it was hard to hear any through their laughter and incessant talking over one another. I hoped to God that they weren't talking about that whole scenario, but eventually came to accept the fact that it was most likely the topic of choice. Upon buckling the last buckle I patted Till's muscular thigh and attempted to break the German conversation by asking him if he needed any help with his suspenders.   
"Ja," he replied, immediately ignoring the two other men when I asked him. Richard and Christoph both shot him a dirty look, seemingly pissed off at being ignored so suddenly, and silently left, off to god knows where.   
I got up and grabbed the black leather suspenders from the chair. I handed them to Till so he could attach them to the front of his pants while I attached them to the back.   
As I worked to attach the suspenders to the back of his pants, my hands brushed against his back, making him shiver.   
"Mein Gott," he started off in German, catching my attention, "your hands are like ice!"   
I laughed and pressed my palms on his back, giving him goosebumps.   
"Really? That cold?" I teased.   
"Ja! How are you so cold?" he exclaimed while chuckling at my teasing him. I quickly darted around to stand in front of him and place my apparently freezing hands on his cheeks.   
"They can't possibly be that cold!" I said, joking around with a wild grin on my face. Till looked down at me and laughed, making me feel better about his mood.   
"They are!" He protested, a wide grin spreading across his face, meanwhile placing his hands on top of mine that still rested on his face. We stood there quietly smiling to each other, before Oli burst in the door.   
"We're going out for a smoke. Last chance for either of you guys before the show," he said, making me realize how much time we had wasted joking around.   
"Oh yeah!" I said, realizing that it would be best to take care of any urges that may arise throughout the show. I took my hands off of Till's face and walked over to join Oli.   
"Are you coming?" I asked, kind of hoping he would. All of a sudden he seemed in a daze.   
"Uh, ja," he eventually responded and followed us outside.   
Oli lead the way with long strides, easy for Till to keep up with but a challenge for someone as short as me. He brought us through a back entrance, quiet and hidden. When we got outside we all instinctively whipped out our cigarettes, Till offering to light mine for me. I closed my eyes and leaned my back against the wall, feeling the tension in my body release as I took a long drag. The cool air felt good against my cheeks that were still flushed from what had happened in the dressing room. I opened my eyes to find Till watching me. I let out a small smile at him, trying to keep him in a good mood. After I started to feel a little more awkward I pulled out my phone and checked the time.   
"We have 15 minutes until you guys are on," I announced, breaking the blissful silence. Oli and Till both nodded, both of them going back to their original positions. I walked over to the railing Till was leaning on and stood next to him.   
"When did you start smoking?" He asked, randomly. His question kind of shocked me, for I expected him to just keep the silence going. He was not a talkative man.   
"When I was at film school," I replied, "it's just something I do when I'm anxious or depressed anymore, I used to smoke like a chimney," I confessed, nervous of what his reaction would be. I had met plenty of hypocritical smokers that frowned upon my habits, so I never knew what to expect.   
"Really?" He replied. I was a little confused by his reaction, unsure whether he was incredulous about my old habits of almost constantly smoking, or my habit of smoking only when I'm anxious. (In my defense, I really did only smoke when anxious or depressed, however I had anxiety more often than not.)  
"Mmmhhhmmm," I muttered, puffing on my cigarette. "What about you?"  
"Oh, I started when I was young and it's been a habit I just haven't been able to shake," he said.   
I nodded silently, feeling kind of indifferent to what he had just told me. I stood there with them a little while before flicking my cigarette butt to the ground and stepping on it to put it all the way out.   
"Well boys," I started, "I'm going back in. Don't be out here too long," I warned, jokingly.   
I walked back in and was only a few feet down the hallway before I heard a gruff, shockingly deep voice call my name. I turned around to find Till half running half walking towards me.   
"What's up?" I asked, sort of excitedly. No matter the amount of time we had spent together, having him acknowledge me and want to be with me was still just as thrilling as it was when we first met.   
"Come back to my room with me, we only have a few minutes before we go on, but I would like to spend that time with a good friend who can make me laugh," he requested, making my heart swell with emotion. I was unable to hold back a huge grin and giggle when he said this. I could feel myself blushing as I squeaked out, "okay" in reply. I followed him back to his room, overcome with feelings of happiness regarding what he had just said to me. We talked about the pyrotechnics in this show in detail and before I knew it, the time had come for him to go on stage and blow the minds of thousands of fans.  
"Well Till," I said, careful to use a gentle tone with him, "it's time for you to go on. Are you ready?"  
"Ja," he replied.   
"Alright! Let's go!" I said, leading him out of the door. All of the other guys were on their way to get the both of us and ended up meeting up with us in the hallway. We stood there all in one big group, anticipation and excitement coursing throughout everybody's veins.   
"Well, guys, this is it!" I announced, barely able to contain myself. I had been wanting to see them in concert since I was young, but never got the chance. Now I was about to be standing side stage, not just watching strange men form east Germany perform, but people who I had begun to hold close to my heart.   
We stood there for a few seconds before a frantic crew member came running over to us.   
"You guys need to get on! Now!" He demanded, obviously stressed by all of the commotion that went into the show. With that, the guys all started making their way to the stage, Till grabbing my hand out of the blue and keeping me close to his side. They walked at a brisk pace, as if they were on a mission. We marched down the hallways, various people watching in awe as the large men passed by.   
After what felt like forever, we finally got to the stage. The crowd was roaring, ready for the thrill ride that was a Rammstein show. The band grouped up again and Schneider yelled a few things in German, me not understanding a single word spoken. They stood there for a few more seconds, grabbing guitars and doing a last minute check to make sure everybody was there. Till turned to me, his arms outstretched for a hug. We threw our arms around each other and he locked me in a tight embrace, holding me as close as he could. He loosened the hug a bit and looked down at me.   
"A kiss for luck?" He suggested.   
"Of course," I replied as he bent down and pressed a short, yet sweet kiss to my lips. He then let go and smiled at me as he turned to run off to the stage.   
Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see. The adrenaline rush I got when they just hit the first few notes of their opening song was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Their music was better than I ever could have imagined and I think I felt just about every emotion a human could feel throughout the show. They made me laugh, dance, cry and just stand there in awe. Whenever their acclaimed pyrotechnic effects would take place, I could barely breathe, amazed by the terrifying beauty of the fire.   
The band's onstage antics were amazing and it was oddly entertaining to see Till abuse Flake in various different ways throughout the show. Till's stage presence was unlike anything I had ever seen, making him practically ooze masculinity and dominance, causing me to want to squeal, like a crazed fan.   
They played with an amazing amount of passion throughout the entire show, making the end of it bittersweet. The show had been amazing and I didn't want it to have to end, but I wanted to tell Till and the guys how incredible I thought they were.   
They closed the show with Du Hast, making sure to end with something that everybody knew. They finished the song and took their bows, before Till lead them off stage, back to where I was standing.   
Till saw me standing there, standing and clapping and marched right over to me. Unable to control myself, I threw my arms around his neck, not caring how sweaty he was.   
"You were amazing!" I gushed, unable to hide my excitement. He squeezed me tightly and lifted me up, burrowing his face into my neck, and smearing large amounts of greasy black makeup onto my fair skin. After nearly squeezing the life out of me, he finally set me down so I could tell the other band members how amazing they were.   
"That was the greatest thing I've ever seen!" I exclaimed, running over to the rest of the band.   
"Danke!" They replied in unison, seemingly entertained by my enthusiasm.   
"So are you ready for your first after party?" Paul asked, nudging me with his elbow and grinning as usual.   
"Sure!" I replied, feeling ready to take on anything. The guys all chuckled and looked at me as if I was crazy, making me unsure of what I was in for. We then headed back down the corridor that led to their rooms, each of them disappearing behind their respective doors. I leaned on the wall next to Till's door, unsure of what to do with myself at this point. It seemed that nobody needed my help and I despite the fact that I was dying to talk to at least one of the guys about the show, I didn't want to intrude. I zoned out, starting to feel the adrenaline wear off when I felt a hand grab mine and pull me into a room. Feeling the force behind the grab I immediately knew it was Till and had little time to protest before I was back in his room.   
"What's up?" I asked, shocked by his suddenly outgoing actions. Before I had met Till I had always assumed that he was a somewhat stereotypical alpha male, based on his stage presence and persona in his videos, but I was almost dead wrong. He was always very shy and modest... until now. It's like performing flipped a switch inside him that turned him into the overtly sexual, terrifying yet endearing beast of a man that was portrayed in videos like "Du Riechst so Gut '98". Not that this was a bad thing. While I loved the quiet gentle giant, the new Till was thrilling and I must confess, quite a turn on, not that anything would come of this.   
"I was just wondering if you could give me a hand with the buckles again?" He finally answered after giving me an intense stare down.   
"Uh, ja," I replied, still trying to come to terms with the new Till. I then got a good look at him and realized how sweaty he was. "How about we get you dried off a bit first- you're sweating bullets," I suggested.   
"Okay," he replied and then went to get a towel. While waiting for him I sat down in the chair in front of the large mirror and realized I had black stuff all over my neck that looked like coal or oil. It then occurred to me that the large smudge was from my embrace with Till and I could feel myself getting flustered at the reminder of the feeling of him pressed up against me. I sat there waiting for Till, deep in thought. My mind raced with thoughts of excitement, anxiety, hope, and somehow despondency all at the same time while I thought long and hard about my relationship with him. What Christoph had said about us being a good couple had been wearing on me all night, and I was terrified that he was giving me false hope. Being in my own head was starting to get to me, and I felt more anxious by the second. God, I wanted a cigarette.   
The sound of the door opening ripped me out of my thoughts, making me jump. I turned around and found Till standing there, towel in hand. He then walked over to me and without saying a word, handed me the towel. I looked at the towel, then at him, and I was at a loss for words. He couldn't possibly have been suggesting that I towel him off.   
"You want me to dry you off?" I questioned, suspicion clear in my voice.   
"Ja," he replied nonchalantly. I decided to take orders and proceeded to wipe the sweat off of him, starting a conversation about the show. Mid-discussion he stopped me and took the towel from my hands, while I yammered on about how great his vocals were. I stopped raving about the music just for a second to tell him to give the towel to me, I could take it to get washed.   
"No, silly," he said and proceeded to wipe the makeup off my neck. "I must have gotten this on you when I hugged you after the show," he explained, as he gently rubbed the towel over the greasy black residue.   
"Oh, uh... yeah," I stammered, feeing barely able to breathe. He chuckled and smiled at how flustered I had gotten and continued trying to wipe the makeup off. I knew that it wouldn't come off with just the towel, but I just let him continue trying to wipe it off. I was too stunned to find the right words.   
"Looks like its on there pretty good," he said, his expression and touch hardening, as he worked to get it off.  
"Just leave it, I can wash it off later," I said, the friction of the towel against my skin starting to chafe and become painful. I think he didn't realize his size and strength.   
"Okay, I just thought you might want it off for the after party," he replied. Shit, I forgot about the after party. I thought, not wanting to deal with an entire party and the people that came with it.   
"I'll just rinse it off quick after I get you ready to go," I told him, feeling dread about going to this party.  
After I took the towel back and finished getting some of the sweat off of him, I began to undo the buckles that adorned his pants. I got down on my knees like I had done before the show and let out a long sigh, feeling anxiety all throughout my body from the thought of the party. I had been excited for it until everybody was shocked at how ready I was for it, making me assume that it would probably be out of hand. Since then, my mind had been on other things.   
"What's wrong?" Till asked upon hearing me sigh. His concern made me feel good in a strange way, like it was conformation that he cared about me.   
"Nothing really, I'm just a little nervous for this party," I confessed, deciding that honesty would be the best way to handle this. "The way the guys reacted to my excitement for it made me believe that it wasn't anything that I could expect and that I would somehow be bothered by it," I carried on.   
"Oh, don't worry- they are usually so much fun and if you want you can stay with me, ich werde dich schützen," he replied, a small sweet grin on his face as he comforted me.   
"Thanks," I squeaked, trying to suppress a huge smile at his promise to protect me. I promptly went back to work on the buckles, looking away to hide the shade of red that colored my face.   
After a substantial comfortable silence I finished undoing the various straps on his pants. I then stood up and without batting an eye, I undid his suspenders. I was in a world of my own, and looked up to find Till smiling at me.   
"Was?" I asked, trying to use a little bit of German.   
"Nothing," he replied, letting out a small chuckle, "you're just so zoned out- what are you thinking so much about?"   
I panicked to try and find a response.   
"I, uh, I, oh nothing," I sputtered, forgetting almost every word in the English language. "Was I really that out of it?"  
"Ja. You surprised me- you had been rather timid with helping me with my clothes before the show, but now you didn't even ask what I wanted you to do." I felt my anxiety spike. Had I pissed him off already?  
"I'm sorry," I said barely above a whisper, my voice quaking.   
"Don't be!" I looked up at him in disbelief, still shaken by what he had said. "I like having you help me with this stuff," he went on, "you wouldn't ever have to ask to do this stuff for me."   
I simply raised an eyebrow, all possible responses escaping me. I am an awkward person as is, and I just don't know how to handle a situation like that.   
"Come on, let's get that makeup off of your neck and make our way to the party," he instructed. I felt anxiousness clench my heart again but smiled through it, allowing the thought of Till keeping me with him all night distract me from what was to come. I knew I could trust him to stand by me and began to smile at the thought of spending more time with him. Maybe this dreaded party would put things in my favor...


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after party brings interesting encounters, but will they be any help to Jordan with her desire to be with Till?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! I know it's been a little while since I've updated this but I've begun to work on some other Rammstein fanfics- so if you are interested in reading some more of my stuff stay tuned!  
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments on this and I'm so glad to see that some people are enjoying it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. I'd love to hear what you guys think of this so comments would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!!!!

Chapter 8  
"Let's go!" An eager Till called as I entered his room. He sauntered over to me, still in an unusually confident mood from the show. "Did you get that makeup off okay?" He asked, softening his expression and tone meanwhile slouching a little bit to be closer to my height, despite it not doing much of anything (I am incredibly short).  
"Yeah," I replied, my nerves about this party still bothering me. Till smiled and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side.  
"Shall we?" He questioned, looking down at me.  
"We shall," I said, a warm feeling growing in my heart when I locked eyes with him. He started walking out the door, his arm still holding me close. I slipped my arm around his waist as he lead me to the party. As we walked to the gathering my anxiety began to melt away, the feeling of having Till holding me close to his side making me feel incredibly safe. I wanted more than anything to rest my head on his shoulder, but fought every urge. He was already kind enough to be doing this for me.  
"I think you will really find some of these people interesting," he told me, interrupting my thoughts about how nice it would be to have my head on his shoulder.  
"Oh yeah?" I replied, trying to sound optimistic. Meeting new people was always rather stressful for me, but the circumstances had never been like this.  
"Ja," he assured me, a look of anticipation in his eye. His excitement to go to the party had been rather shocking to me, like I said, he was actually a rather quiet, keep to himself kind of guy- not one to enjoy large happenings like this.  
I simply nodded in acknowledgment as we kept on walking to where ever this thing was supposed to be. We eventually got to a room that was dimly lit with a blue light and full of people yelling over loud music. I let out a deep sigh upon seeing it, not knowing whether to be terrified or excited. We waltzed in, Till still holding me close to his side. When I realized that he had seen people he knew and was leading me over to them I was touched. He had promised to keep me with him at this party, but I must admit, I didn't set myself up for disappointment and tell myself he would stay true to his word. As we walked over to the small group I realized that yes, Till probably would keep me with him all night and that he was in fact okay with people seeing that we were close.  
"Guten Abend mein Freunde," he greeted them, outstretching one arm while keeping the other around me.  
"Till! Hallo!" An older man responded, the rest of the group just smiling. "Wer ist Deine Freund?" He asked, motioning to me. Till looked down at me and smiled.  
"This is Jordan, our personal assistant," he replied.  
"Hi everybody," I said, trying to seem as friendly as possible.  
"Hallo," the man responded, giving me a mischievous grin while scanning my entire body. Till's expression suddenly hardened, his grin fading away. I just smiled, trying not to feel too uncomfortable.  
"Jordan, this is Peter, a long time friend of mine," Till introduced the strange man.  
"It's very nice to meet you," I said, working through the awkwardness that is meeting a new person.  
"Till!" I heard a female name call out, grabbing everybody's attention. A woman came running up to Till and threw an arm around him. Till gently hugged her with his free arm, meanwhile not letting go of me, awkwardly pulling me into their embrace.  
"Adette! How are you?" He asked, totally shifting his attention from Peter.  
"Fantastic!" She replied, overjoyed to see Till. "So who is this?" She continued to ask, smiling and looking to me.  
"This is Jordan, our personal assistant," he replied quicker than I could.  
"Oh," she started, seeming excited by my presence. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Adette, an old friend of Till's," she introduced herself.  
"It's nice to meet you," I responded wondering why she was so excited to be talking with me.  
"Till, how about you get us some drinks- I'd love to get to know Jordan a little better," she suggested.  
Till looked down at me and I gave him a small nod, appreciating his consideration of my feelings.  
"Sure," he responded hesitantly, finally taking his arm from around my shoulders and heading to the bar. I smiled at him as he walked away, trying to assure him that I was okay.  
"It's so nice to finally meet you," Adette started off, grabbing my attention. I must have looked puzzled because she then quickly started to explain herself. What did she mean, "finally?"  
"Oh, I'm sorry dear, Till probably hasn't told you," she began to explain. I suddenly wanted Till to come back more than anything. "Till had been texting me about you since he started working on the video with you."  
This clarified things for me and o found out that I had nothing to be anxious about, Till had just been telling a friend about me...  
"Oh, well I hope he's told you all good things," I replied, unsure of how to take that.  
"Of course he has, darling!" She exclaimed. "He wouldn't have kept you with him as an assistant if he had bad things to say about you! And besides, he also wouldn't act this way around you if he didn't care about you, trust me."  
I let out a shy smile at that statement, feeling my heart flutter in my chest.  
"Oh. Uh, well uh," I sputtered, unsure of what to do.  
"I'm sorry, I know that is a bit odd to hear from a total stranger," she apologized.  
"Just a little," a tone of nervous sarcasm to my voice. Where was Till with our drinks?  
I decided to try and keep the conversation going, realizing that she wouldn't be going away. "So, how do you know Till?" I asked, trying to make small talk.  
"Oh, we were fuck buddies back in the day," she started to explain. It was all I could do to keep my jaw from falling open. "We met at a club one night in Hamburg and went back to his place after. While no real relationship formed for a while we kept in touch and fooled around whenever he was in town and eventually became good friends," she went on, as if her story was as ordinary and mundane as if they had met through a mutual friend.  
I simply couldn't respond, this chick seemed out of her fucking mind, and I'm sure that my face expressed my thoughts on her mental stability.  
"But tell me about you," she insisted. "How do you like the guys?"  
"They're great," I said, a smile spreading across my face as I thought about them. They had become so special to me in such a short amount of time.  
"You and Till seem to get along very well," she said as if she was hinting at something. "I've never seen him treat a girl this nice that he wasn't screwing," she then stated bluntly. Something about this comment made me smile, but I couldn't help but be a little shocked. When I didn't respond she just kept on talking. "So you met through a music video?"  
"Yeah, I helped direct it," finally, a topic that wasn't about who was fucking who and when they were fucking.  
"Oh wow," she responded and proceeded to ask me about what other stuff I had shot and what film school was like. As I kept talking with her I found out that she was actually really cool and just had a rather over the top personality.  
"So do you think anything else will come of your assistant job?" She eventually asked, catching me off-guard.  
"What do you mean?" I asked, totally lost by what she could have meant by "anything else."  
"You know, any relationships," she said with a suggestive tone, quirking her brow in a mischievous way as a devilish grin spread across her face.  
Oh shit, I thought as I struggled for an answer. Was I supposed to tell her what I really thought of Till? She was very close with him, making me worry that anything I told her would go straight back to him.  
"I don't know, probably not," I started, trying not to disclose too much, yet kind of wanting her opinion on the matter.  
She seemed disappointed at my feeble attempt at an answer. "Why not?" she questioned.  
"Well, I'm an assistant, I'd be out of place to expect anything like that," I explained, trying to keep personal matters as vague as possible. "And besides, they all could have any woman they ever wanted, any woman with a much better personality and who is much prettier than I." I added. I decided to say that much, somewhat interested in seeing if I had a tiny chance. After all, she did ask the question as if she was expecting a yes, possibly suggesting there might be something there. I figured she wouldn't have asked if there was no chance.  
"Why would you think that?" She asked, not understanding what it felt like to have someone who you want so badly dangled in front of you, yet feeling you'd never be able to do anything about it.  
"You've seen some of the girls that Till has been with." As soon as I said Till's name I knew I was too specific. Immediately after his name passed my lips a smug, knowing smile forming on her face.  
"I knew it," she said as I felt myself start to blush. I struggled to find a response.  
"What?" I asked, desperately trying to seem as if I was just using Till as an example.  
"You're into Till!" She yelled. I admitted defeat and told her to be quiet and realized there was no going back. She laughed wildly when she saw the panic in my eyes. "Seeing the way you smile when you're around him or even just when you're talking about him gave it away," she said, her voice softening as she became more serious. I simply shrugged, I knew she was right and at this point there was no use fighting it. "You know you're his type?" She asked without batting an eye.  
"Ummm, I don't think so," I replied, feeling like she was telling me this just to appease me.  
"You are," she insisted, "and for once, there's a girl who would meet his standards who seems to have a head on her shoulders and won't take advantage of him like the others." I simply smiled and blushed, unsure of how to react. She seemed very adamant about this and I knew it was no use protesting.  
"What do you mean like the others?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.  
"He has a tendency to get into relationships where the girl only stays with him to take advantage of his fame and the chance to get laid by someone as good looking as he is," she replied, giving me insight to a history that seemed confusing muddled.  
"Poor thing," I replied, feeling sympathy for him.  
"He's been hurt many times, it's a wonder he isn't totally broken. He still is damaged though." Her words made me feel sad for the man who seemed indestructible just a few moments ago. "That's why you have to be good to him," she continued, playfully trying to lighten a heavy moment. "Trust me, I know Till. There's no way that you two will remain as just friends. You work too well together." Somehow, I somewhat believed her.  
"I will. I can promise you that," I assured her, playing along with the thought of Till and I inevitably falling into a relationship.  
"I really hope that you two get together," she went on. A part of me wanted to tell her the harsh reality of things, but it was so nice to just think about possibilities.  
All of this time I couldn't help but wonder where Till was with our drinks and was tempted to make a comment about it. Adette beat me to it and then proceeded to grab my arm, forcefully telling me that we were going to "find where that motherfucker went with our goddamn drinks!" For having English as her second language she certainly perfected her use of profanity.  
Unable to protest, I followed, thanking god that we were going to find Till. I loved talking to Adette, but I had told her just a little too much and didn't want to risk exposing any more personal dilemmas. After walking around the party for a little while we eventually found Till with Flake and Schneider taking pictures with mass amounts of people. One by one, they would bounce up to the men and snuggle up close to one of them, smiling wide while someone took their picture.  
"Till!" Adette screamed, catching all three men's attention. He smiled when he saw us and motioned to the guys to come with him as he made his way over to us. "Where the hell did you go?" She asked as Till just got into earshot. He continued to walk over to us, stood next to me, and proceeded to put his arm around me. This made Adette grin and quirk her brow at me, as if to say "I told you so."  
"I went to go get drinks but people stopped me to take pictures with them and they just never stopped coming," he said like he was a soldier telling a war story. Christoph and Flake eventually came over, having been stopped by fans as they followed Till.  
"Adette, how are you?" Christoph greeted her and hugged her. She was closer with the band than I thought.  
"I'm great," she replied. "I was getting to know you're lovely assistant here," she said gesturing to me.  
"Ah, yes, does she meet your approval?" He asked, jokingly.  
"She's wonderful! For once you guys are in the company of a sane female- I'm shocked!" All of the men laughed at this and I became even more curious about the girls  
Till had brought around.  
"We couldn't have asked for a better assistant," Till claimed, squeezing my shoulders.  
"Thanks, Till," I responded bashfully, feeling my face turn a bright shade of red. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Adette watching us with a pleased smile.  
"How about we finally get some drinks?" She suggested as Till and I just stood there smiling like idiots at each other.  
"Ja," he replied and started to lead me towards the bar, his arm still around my shoulders, holding me close to his side. When we got to the bar, Adette took charge and ordered drinks.  
"Three tequila shots!" She demanded, sporting her typical wild grin. The bar tender set the small glasses filled with the strong liquid in front of us and I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of drinking the shot. As I said before, I'm not a big fan of tequila.  
Till and Adette both grabbed their glasses and waited for me to do the same.  
"Eins! Zwei! Drei!" They yelled in unison as the three of us quickly downed the foul tasting drink. I let out an awful grimace, earning a laugh from the two of them.  
We spent the rest of the night continuously drinking, laughing and just having fun. Till didn't leave my side for the rest of the night and I honestly started to have hope for the two of us. Adette made it seem as if a relationship between us was inevitable and having Till stay with me all night made it seem as if it was possible. This might just work out.  
After a few hours the party was winding down and many people were starting to leave. Flake eventually came over to us and informed us that we needed to leave, bringing the night to a close.  
Adette followed us to our bus to bid us farewell.  
"It was so nice meeting you!" She said, hugging me tightly.  
"You too! I had such a great time,"  
I replied, realizing how much fun I actually had. She said goodbye to the rest of the guys and then stopped when she got to Till.  
"You-" she started off pointing a finger at him. "It was so good to see you again, and thanks for bringing a girl who actually has it together for once," she continued scornfully.  
Till chuckled, "you're welcome. I'm glad you two got to meet."  
"I am too. Now you be good to her, she's a keeper," she said, winking at me. I couldn't help but feel mortified even though she was, in a way, helping me.  
"I will," he assured her, looking to me with a warm smile. She then continued to speak to him in German, as if she didn't want me to hear. Every fiber of my being wanted to understand what they were saying, but I knew that they wouldn't tell me. That was the one downside to hanging out with people who have a different first language. The other men watched; amused by their banter as I stood there, dumbfounded.  
After they both said what they felt needed to be expressed we started to board the bus, me bringing up the back. As I put my foot on the first step I felt somebody grab my arm from behind me. I turned around to see Adette with a serious look in her eye. She then pulled me close and whispered in my ear.  
"Next time we see each other I expect you to be Till's girlfriend," she said in a no nonsense tone. "Or last least friends with benefits," she continued realizing her friend's man whore tendencies.  
I rolled my eyes. "Goodbye Adette," I said, acting like she hadn't said anything worth getting excited over.  
"Text me everything that happens!" She yelled as she walked away, allowing me to board the bus.  
"So, you met Adette?" Christoph asked as I walked over to the only open seat that just happened to be next to Till.  
"Yeah," I replied and plopped down next to Till. He then put his arm on the back of the couch, leaning a little closer to me. Sometimes I swore he did these kind of things just to torment me.  
"She's uh..." I said as I searched for the right word.  
"Fucking crazy," Richard said before I could come up with a term to describe her.  
"Well, a little bit," I started, "but she seems cool and I don't think she means any harm." She was undoubtedly insane, but seemed like a good person.  
"Oh definitely. She's great to hang out with and has a heart of gold but sometimes I think she belongs in a loony bin," Richard replied, making all of the men chuckle.  
"I can't say I disagree, Reesh," I responded, making the men laugh even harder.  
Paul looked at me, an evil grin on his face.  
"So what did you ladies talk about?" He asked with a tone suggesting that we talked about something we didn't want the men to know about. That little shit.  
"Nothing important," I said, trying to shut him down before he could pull anything. I loved him like a brother, but god, I wanted to wring his neck right about now. Surprisingly, he backed off and didn't pester me anymore.  
After a little while, they all began to talk about the show, each giving their opinion on how things went and what they would do differently. The consensus seemed to be that everything went swimmingly and if the rest of the tour went this well it would be a blessing.  
As we drove on towards our next venue we all grew increasingly exhausted from our long night. Everyone retired to their bunks after a while, except for me and Till, who despite the newly opened seats stayed close to my side on the couch.  
We sat like that for hours, speaking to each other in soft gentle voices, trying not to wake the others. Till eventually found a bottle of wine that had been lying around the bus and in desperation for alcohol, opened it and drank with me. We talked for what seemed like forever, connecting in a way I never thought possible. He began to tell me about past relationships and a little bit about the emotional damage that came from them and in return I told him about my own demons, feeling that I could trust him. As he told me what terrible things had been said and done to him by these women and how unloved he often felt all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him that he was loved. Time after time I debated telling him how I really felt about him and came close a few times but never actually did. We conversed for hours, and after one of the longest and most fulfilling discussions I ever had with somebody, we both decided it was time to turn in.  
We walked back to the bunks and got changed side by side which felt weirdly intimate but pleasant.  
"That one's yours," he said pointing to a top bunk. It was all I could do not to laugh at the fact that all of these tall men gave the top bunk to someone as short as me.  
"Gute Nacht," I whispered to Till as he watched me crawl into bed. He slowly walked over to my bed so that he was eye level with me when I lain down.  
"Gute Nacht, meine Liebe," he murmured and then placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. He then went to his bunk and let out a little groan as he lain down. I smiled to myself a little, finding humor in such a small, sweet sound coming from such a large man.  
For the first time in a while I didn't lie in my bed awake for hours. I stayed awake for a little bit, thinking about what Adette had said to me earlier that night and how good it felt to talk to Till like that and be close to him. I soon drifted off to a deep, peaceful sleep, the first one I had in a while, dreaming about a perfect world where what Adette expected from me and Till was possible and he felt the same way about me that I felt about him.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night staying at a hotel offers some interesting opportunities for Till and Jordan. Will things go any further between them? Will Jordan finally get the relationship she wants with Till?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know it's been a REALLY long time but life has been so hectic lately and I've been struggling with some personal stuff so I basically lost all inspiration to write. Please make sure to leave a comment! This is a REALLY long chapter but I hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading!!!

A few weeks had passed since the show and we seemed to be getting into a routine. They would play one city, have a party post concert, and sleep on the bus on the way to the next show.   
As for my relationship with Till everything pretty much stayed the same. We still stayed up talking to each other, and had an extremely strong bond but I made no progress romantically, not that this was a shock to me. What made this even worse for me was that I wanted him more than ever. I did my best to drop hints and flirt, trying to give subtle signals that I wasn't necessarily opposed to anything he may insinuate.   
I partially blamed this lack of progress on the fact that we had not gotten any real time to spend with each other, just me and Till without the other men being able to hear whatever we were talking about. As we finished the short stretch of the tour where they played one city after another with no off days in between I hoped that having just a day or two to spend together without having to play a show and being able to separate ourselves from the others would bring Till and I closer together, however, my hope was running out. Adette constantly asking how things were going between us didn't make me feel any better either. Almost everyday I would get a text asking what I was doing to make it seem like I wanted him and what he was doing that made it seem as if he felt the same way. I would text her telling her the smallest things that he did asking her what they meant. Occasionally I got desperate enough to ask Schneider what was going on inside Till's head. He was actually a good source for this stuff and could provide good insight into the meaning of Till's actions. That's not to say that he kept his mouth shut. Before I knew it Jonas, Paul, Flake, Oli, and Richard all knew how I felt. Till seemed to be the only one that was clueless about how badly I wanted something more between us. The guys handled the information well though and would often give me sound advice on what to do with him. Like Adette and Schneider they were all hoping that Till and I would get together, apparently that had been the consensus from the start. They would tell me that we understand each other in a profound way and that I was the kind of girl that would make him happy in the long run. With all of this encouragement from everybody I had high hopes. I received a lot of support from each and everyone of them but I was convinced that someone as attractive and sought after as Till could never love me.   
There were quite a few times where their efforts to get us together seemed a little too overt to me, but overall they were actually pretty subtle about hints and things of that nature. This subtlety vanished our first night staying at a hotel. All of the men (except for Till) had been acting strange on the journey there- well, stranger than usual that is. I repeatedly asked "what the fuck they were up to" with very little return. At one point after asking that Paul looked at me with the biggest grin he could possibly manage.   
"You will thank us later," he said, giddily just before all of the men burst into laughter. Till stepped out of the bathroom, looking confused.  
“What was all of the fuss about?” He asked in a no nonsense tone. Paul just looked at him and proceeded to giggle. In return, Till being his typical serious self, pursed his lips, rolled his eyes,and ran a large hand through his hair meanwhile plopping down on the couch.   
I was terrified of what they had possibly done. The fact that they wouldn’t tell me what they were up to and found such humor in Paul’s response was alarming and made me more anxious the more I thought about it. I looked to Schneider with a puzzled expression, hoping that he would be sympathetic and tell me what I would be thanking them for. He simply looked at me and gave me an unusually smug smirk. I then gave up. If Schneider wouldn’t tell me no one would, and besides, did I really want to pester them to tell me with Till right here? I felt it deep in my heart that this unwanted surprise involved the two of us and I wasn’t particularly in the mood to have my secrets exposed.   
This whole thing dawned on me until we got to the hotel. We all got off of the bus and began to walk to the lobby. I caught Paul smiling at me with a look of anticipation on his face. I tried to think of what he could possibly be so excited about- and why the fuck would I be thanking him?   
“You all wait out here, I’ll go check in for us. I don’t want to crowd the lobby,” Paul hastily instructed.   
“I’ll come with y-” I started  
“Nein!” Paul, Richard, and Flake snapped. This was totally out of character for all of them and it startled me so much I didn’t even bother protesting. At a total loss for words I wandered off to a nearby bench. I was soon joined by Till, who seemed to be as done with everything as I was.   
“So do you know why they bit your head off or do you not want to talk about it?” he asked, meanwhile sitting down next to me, an unusual softness to his voice. Almost immediately pulled out of an anxious and unhappy mood, I looked up and smiled at him.  
“I have no damn clue,” I replied in a voice that made me realize how exhausted I was. It then occurred to me that I hadn’t slept for more than three or four hours in weeks and unfortunately it was starting take its toll on me. He then slouched down so much that he was eye level with me. He suddenly looked concerned. I turned to find the gentle giant’s nose only inches from mine. I didn’t expect him to be so close and was startled by him being right there. My heart started racing. What the fuck was he doing? He couldn’t possibly be trying to kiss me- could he? My frantic string of thoughts was then interrupted.   
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice even softer than it had been when he first approached me.  
“Yeah, I’m just so fucking exhausted,” I sighed, my heart still pounding.   
“So am I,” he mumbled as he finally pulled his face away from mine. I then realized that we had been on the same sleep schedule and he too had only been getting three or four hours of sleep.   
“We both need to actually sleep like normal people for once,” I said, joking about our strange sleeping tendencies.   
“What’s the fun in that?” Till asked, meanwhile resting his right arm behind me. Not being able to help myself, I then snuggled up to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He never seemed to mind when I did this, and often times encouraged it so anymore, I barely held back. When I did this, he moved his arm so that it was now around me.  
As we sat there, I got a facetime call from Addette. Not expecting it to be her, I mindlessly answered the call.   
“Hallo!” a cheerful voice called from the other end of the line. My heart leaped into my throat when I saw her and realized who it was. I feared that she would say something about us and try to speed this process along and get her plans for us to be together to happen faster.  
“Hi,” Till and I responded simultaneously. Upon seeing us cuddled up together Addette’s face lit up.  
“What are you two up to?” She asked, a grin never leaving her face.   
“Nothing much, we just got to the hotel, Paul is checking in for us,” I explained.  
“Oh, well then I’ll let you two go,” with a tone of understanding in her voice.   
“No, we can talk,” I insisted. If she was facetiming me she had something important to talk about and I was in no rush to move.   
“We should talk later, I think you guys should go. I’ll call you later! Bye!” She said and abruptly hung up. I slid my phone back into my pocket and sighed. Why the fuck couldn’t anyone be normal today?  
“What was that about?” Till asked, seemingly as confused as I was.  
“Once, again, I don’t have a damn clue,” I snarled, frustrated with everybody except for Till. I was not a fan of having people fucking with my head and that had been happening a lot that day. Luckily Till understood me and took a hint that it probably wasn’t a good idea to ask anymore questions.  
We sat in silence for a little bit, me feeling safe and at peace with world while by Till’s side. This was all interrupted by Richard calling for us.   
“Till! Jordan!” he shouted, unaware of where we had run off to.  
“I guess we should go,” I muttered, not wanting to move. I was enjoying this rare peaceful moment.   
“I don’t want to,” Till groaned, his arm around me tightening, keeping me from getting up.  
“I know. Me neither,” I replied. “But we have to. Come on,” I instructed, biting the bullet and getting up.  
“Can’t we just stay here?” Till asked, an unusual whininess to his voice. His unwillingness to get up and suggesting that we just stay sitting on the bench like we had been made me realize that he had enjoyed being that close to me and spending time alone together. It took all of my will power not to give in and just sit down next to him for as long as he wanted.  
“I wish we could,” I said softly. I walked back over to him, and grabbed his hand. “Come on, don’t leave me with those crazies back there,” I begged jokingly, meanwhile gently pulling on his arm, trying to get him to stand up. Seeing me struggle made him smile. He got up, let out a sigh and walked over to me. He put an arm around my shoulders and I slipped an arm around his waist. We then proceeded to join the rest of the men.  
“What were you two up to?” Richard asked when he saw us with our arms around each other.   
“Nothing,” I replied, wishing that could have been a lie. He simply raised his eyebrows, looking dissatisfied by my answer. I returned the action, I’m sure with a look of disappointment on my face.   
“Okay, so,” Paul interjected. “I have some bad news.”  
I was terrified of what he had to tell us and my mind immediately went to dark places.  
“What?” I inquired, unknowingly tightening my grip on Till out of anxiousness.  
“They only have seven rooms for us, someone will have to share.” I felt an incredible sense of relief when he said this. That was “bad news”?  
I exhaled and buried my face into Till’s chest. “Jesus Christ, I thought something was actually wrong,” I muttered, my voice muffled by Till’s jacket. Till chuckled at my reaction and gently rubbed my back while I still stood there, my face still pressed against his chest.  
“Who will be sharing a room?” Till asked, still trying to calm me down.   
“Well we talked about it and we thought it would be best if you two share a room,” Paul explained.  
I turned so that I could look at him.   
“Why us?” I questioned.  
“Because nobody here wants to share a room with people whose sleep patterns are as weird as yours. You would both keep somebody up all night.” Paul answered. I couldn’t blame him, I knew that we both had terrible sleep habits and one of us would keep somebody up ridiculously late . Besides, the room probably had two beds so I didn’t have to worry about having to do anything strange like share a bed with Till.   
“Sounds good,” Till said, so nonchalantly he seemed almost eager to be sharing a room with me. Apparently, I was not the only one who had caught onto this. Jonas started laughing when he heard this and the other men all had an expression on their faces as if he had said he’d go down on me, right there right then. Till being okay with a change of plans was rare, giving his calmness major shock value.  
“Super! Let’s get our stuff,” Paul suggested and we walked to the bus to get our bags. Paul and I brought up the back of the group on the way to get our stuff. When he was sure that the other men were out of earshot he looked at me and smiled.   
“I told you that you'd thank me later,” he said. I looked at him in disbelief.   
“This was intentional? You pulled this fucking room stunt?” I asked, shocked at what he had just told me.   
“Yes, all of the guys did. We've had it planned for quite sometime.”  
“How long ago did you plan this?” I interrogated, wondering when how they had gotten it so that Till and I didn’t find out about their scheme.  
“Since the restaurant,” he stated, bluntly.  
“You mean the night you guys asked me to be your assistant and come on tour with you?”  
“Yep,” he replied, as if this whole scenario was totally normal.   
I was at a loss for words. Paul scampered off to the rest of the group, allowing me to think to myself. I couldn't believe that they intentionally only booked seven rooms just to bring me and Till closer together. Part of me was pissed while another part of me was grateful and impressed by their willingness to help me. That all changed when we got to the room. I swung the door open to find that the room was huge, but only had one bed. Goddammit, I thought upon seeing the singular kingsize bed. I dropped all of my bags on the floor, tired just from thinking about the wonderful argument of “no, you take the bed, I’ll take the highly uncomfortable couch that no one would even bother sitting on.”  
I stood there, staring blankly at the bed until the sound of the door opening startled me. I turned to find Till staring at the bed with the same exact dumbfounded look on his face, probably thinking the exact same thing I was.   
“Oh,” he muttered, quietly, raising an eyebrow at the proposed sleeping arrangement.   
“Uh-huh,” I replied, our non verbal communication saying more than either of our words could. We stood there in silence for a few seconds, just staring at the bed.  
“I’ll take the couch,” I said, trying to avoid the previously mentioned cliche argument of who deserved the bed. I made my way over to my new “bed” and set my bags beside it. I sat down and found Till had been staring at me the whole time.  
“Why don’t we just share the bed,” he suggested, never breaking eye contact with me. Part of me was relieved that I wouldn’t have to insist on sleeping on the couch but another part of me was shocked by what I was hearing.  
“What?” I asked, thinking that there was no way possible that he would actually suggest us sharing the bed.   
“We can both sleep in the bed,” he said.   
“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” I asked, trying not to seem excited by the offer. In reality I knew that it was purely innocent, and nothing would come of it, however at the moment it seemed intimate in a way.  
“Not at all. I’d be happy to,” he replied.   
“Okay,” I squeaked, trying to suppress a grin. Feeling giddy and lightheaded from my small, unintentional victory, I sprawled out on the couch and stared at the ceiling, hoping that this would work out well.   
“Well, I'm going on a booze run, want anything?” Till offered making his way to the door.   
“Nothing in particular, you know I’ll drink anything you give me,” I replied.   
He giggled and raised an eyebrow. “Anything?” He asked.  
“Well, nothing too crazy,” I corrected myself, knowing nothing good would come of letting him make the choice of what I would later be drinking. He simply gave me a mischievous smile and left, making me fear what he was going to be bringing back.   
I waited for a little bit to make sure that he wasn’t coming back for a forgotten wallet or anything like that and then decided to call Addette back.  
“Hallo?” a cheerful voice answered from the other end of the line. Based on how happy she sounded I knew that she had something exciting to tell me.   
“Hey,” I responded with a no-nonsense tone. I needed to find out why she had been so weird earlier. “What's going on?” I asked, trying not to make it sound like I only wanted information out of her. (I did, but I had no intentions of offending anybody.)   
“Have you gotten to your room yet?” She asked.   
“Yeah, you'll never believe what happened,” I said as I attempted to vent to her about all that had occurred. Before I could even start explaining what was going on she cut me off.   
“Are you sharing a room with Till?” She interrogated, getting right to the main point of my story.   
“How did you know?” I responded, baffled at how quickly she had figured out what I was going to tell her.   
She smiled, “has Paul told you yet?” She said, hinting at something.   
I guessed that she was talking about the rooms and suddenly I saw the big picture.   
“You knew about them intentionally cancelling the room and making Till and I share a room didn't you?” I demanded, dumbfounded by how I had been hoodwinked by my friends.   
“Of course I did, I’m the one who came up with it,” she said with an expression on her face that seemed like she was shocked I hadn’t known. I then realized that this was planned around the time of the dinner, and Addette hadn’t even met me then.  
“Holy shit,” I said under my breathe “we hadn’t even met when this was planned.”  
She laughed, “I know. Till had been texting me nonstop about you and when I asked Richard, Snider, and Oli who the hell this Jordan chick was, they were insistent on you two getting together. I checked in with Flake, because you know how protective he gets with Till, and told the guys that I’d help with whatever they’d like. They were working on devising a plan to get you and Till into a somewhat intimate situation and they came to me for help. Thus, this plan was born.”  
I simply stared blankly at my phone.  
“I know, it’s a lot to take in,” she said, looking at me like she just broke me.  
“Well, was this your plan too?” I asked, turning my phone to show her the very big, very singular bed.  
“Yes!” she exclaimed, incredibly proud of herself. “That was my idea! What would be the point if you guys didn’t have to share the bed?” I rolled my eyes. This whole thing was ludicrous. “Anyways, is Till there?”  
“No. He went on a booze run.”   
“Okay, well tell him I said hello. I’ve got to run. Go get him girl!” She yelled with a wild grin and hung up. I felt even more exhausted after that phone call. I was craving a cigarette and decided to give in and go out for a smoke. It was the first quiet moment I had completely to myself for a long time and I soaked in every minute of it. I walked around for a little bit before going back to the room, hoping Till would be back with drinks. I was greeted by an empty room and decided to take full advantage of my invite to share the bed. I laid down and turned on the TV, and after a few minutes, accidentally fell asleep.  
About an hour later I woke up to find Till sitting next to me and sipping on a beer, using the headboard as a backrest. Noticing that I was now awake, he looked at me and let out a small smile.   
“Hallo,” he purred.   
“Hey,” I groaned as I stretched and rolled over onto my stomach.   
“How long were you out?” He asked, brushing a stray piece of hair out of my face.   
“I think about an hour,” I replied.   
“You up for going out to dinner with the guys tonight?” He offered. I looked at the clock and realized that it was already getting kind of late and I wasn't particularly enthused by the thought.   
“I don't think so, just staying in the room for now sounds nice.” Till suddenly looked concerned.   
“Are you sure?” He asked, in a tone that sounded almost whiny.   
“Yeah,” I responded, “are you going out?”   
“I was going to, but I don't know, that room idea sounded appealing,” he said. “Besides, I can keep you company and we could maybe watch a movie or something,” he suggested, almost sheepishly. I couldn't help but smile at the warm and fuzzy feeling I felt as a result of his offer to hang out with me and watch movies. My chest felt like it was twisting up and I could barely say a word.   
“That sounds great,” I said blissfully, my voice just above a whisper, touched by his suggestion. I just laid there on my back, smiling and staring at the ceiling like an idiot.   
“Alright, I'll text Richard and let him know we won't be joining them,” Till stated, sounding almost as happy as I felt.   
We spent the rest of the night switching back and forth between talking and watching movies. More often than not, whatever movie we had chosen was just background noise to our conversation. I couldn’t have imagined a better night. After spending hours with Till I saw how he really had a heart of gold, yet an aggressive and dominant side, making him a thrilling, yet sensitive person.   
After about five hours of nonstop conversation we both decided to call it a night, attempting to get a “normal” night’s sleep. While getting changed into pajamas, I felt like I was being watched. I turned around to find a pair of green eyes watching me contently. I couldn’t help but smile to myself.   
“Enjoying the show?” I asked, unable to not say anything about having an audience.   
“What? Me? I-uh.. uh,” Till stuttered, startled that I caught him. I giggled upon seeing him flustered for the first time since I met him. I decided to let it drop, trying not to be too weird about catching him. As I walked by his side of the bed, I mussed his hair up, trying to make it as clear as possible that I was only joking around with him. I then crawled into bed next to him and laid down.  
“Gute Nacht,” I said, rolling over to face him. He smiled sweetly at me.  
He moved closer to me, placed his hand so that his fingers rested on the back of my neck and caressed my cheek with his thumb.  
“Gute Nacht,” he replied and kissed me on the cheek, holding his lips against my skin for just a little longer than usual. He pulled away and locked eyes with me, making my heart skip a beat. I let out a small, nervous smile, and rolled over, letting myself drift off to sleep in a matter of minutes, getting a full night’s rest for the first time in a while.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her relationship with Till has gotten no where despite her best efforts. Due to her growing frustration with what little progress she has made, Jordan decides she needs to be more forward with Till. Will this result in success or utter disaster?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, I know it's been a little while since I last posted, but I have had terrible writer's block and was not really sure where I wanted to go with this chapter. Thank you to all who have commented, you have been big motivators for me to keep writing! It makes me incredibly happy to see that people are actually reading this, so thank you to everyone who has been following along with the story! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and all that is still to come!

Chapter 10  
I woke up in the middle of the night to find somebody’s bare back pressed up against mine. In an instant, the memories of the day before came flooding back to me. I felt my heart flutter a little bit at the memory of my night with Till, spent discussing anything and everything. This light, floaty feeling disappeared when a craving for a cigarette came crashing over me. I tried my hardest to fight it and go back to sleep, trying to avoid waking Till by getting up. I let a few minutes pass, desperately trying to stifle my cravings. My urges got the best of me and I gave in, and I started to inch my way out of bed. As I moved away from Till, cold air rushed over my back, my t-shirt not providing near the heat that Till did. I finally got out of bed, grabbed my cigarettes and made my way to the sliding door that led to the balcony.  
As I made my way past Till’s side of the bed I couldn't help but be in awe of how peaceful he looked, the towering giant suddenly seeming small and vulnerable. I stopped and stared at how strangely calm and innocent Till looked. Realizing that too many seconds had gone by and I was airing on the side of creepy I finally snuck out onto the balcony, careful to leave the door open just a crack so I wouldn't be locked out. I sat cross legged in a chair , mindlessly puffing on my cigarette. My mind was racing, thinking about Till and how hard I was falling for him. I had the support from everybody and Adette had almost flat out told me that Till liked me- at least enough to tell her about it, so why was I holding back? More importantly, what was I going to do to move this forward? I tried brainstorming a bunch of different ways to make the next step, but every plan I thought out in my head seemed ill-conceived.  
My planning attempts ceased when the sound of a sliding door opening startled me. I looked up to find a half asleep Till stumbling out the door.  
“Did I wake you?” I asked, hoping that I didn't.  
“Nein,” he replied, groggily. “But will you share that with me?” He asked, gesturing to the cigarette in between my fingers.  
I held the cigarette out, offering it to him. He grabbed it, and took a long drag, his muscles visibly relaxing as he did so. He walked over to the railing and leaned on it, still smoking my cigarette.  
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked.  
“What’s that?” I replied, needing clarification.  
“The city. I love the city at night, when it’s all lit up. It’s so pretty” I then got up out of my chair to see what he was talking about, but also partly because I wanted my cigarette. I stood next to him, our sides pressed against each other. I plucked my cigarette out of his fingers and leaned on the railing, looking out over the city.  
“It really is,” I said quietly, mesmerized by the lights. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him sweetly grinning at me. I looked up at him and smiled, remembering why I fell for him. I went back to looking at the city and felt an arm wrap around me and rest right by my arm on the railing. When he did this I nestled my head between his neck and his shoulder, both of us not saying a word.  
“I’m glad you came on this tour,” he said softly. I suddenly felt giddy. I smiled to myself and grabbed his hand.  
“I am too,” I responded and turned to place a kiss on his jaw. He smiled bashfully and chuckled, tightening his arm around me. We stood outside for a little longer, just enjoying each other’s company. I felt thoroughly happy standing there with him, but I couldn’t help but feel that maybe Till didn’t want anything more between us. It would have been the perfect moment for him to move things forward and I thought that the kiss I gave him would have been a clear green light, but he didn’t do anything, not one single thing.  
I decided to silence these insecure thoughts and enjoy standing there with Till holding me close. After a few more minutes of intently watching the city below Till broke the silence.  
“How about we get back to bed,” he suggested and yawned.  
“That sounds good,” I replied. We both went back inside and crawled back into bed, attempting to fall back asleep in the few short hours we had until we were required to wake up and join the rest of society.

********  
The next day was full of rushing around, trying to prepare for that night’s show. Everything ended up going smoothly, but it was an extreme amount of ceaseless running around, urgently trying to get one thing done so you could move on to the next. I was so exhausted from that day alone that I actually slept through the night when I got back to the hotel.  
Following the day of chaos, the band had the day to themselves, which I spent walking around the city with Richard, Christoph, and Till. The rest of the guys decided to stay back at the hotel with Jonas, who had been working on establishing when and where he would be meeting with clients.  
It was the first relaxing day we had in awhile and we enjoyed every minute of it. We packed our bags early in the morning and had the rest of the guys put them on the bus for us so we could stay out late and not have to worry about getting back early to pack, giving us enough time to get to the next city. We decided to have the rest of the guys meet us at a restaurant down town for a low key night and a nice dinner.  
Throughout the day we wandered around to various different bars and shops and surprisingly encountered no fans. It was nice to have the day to laugh and have fun, without a care in the world. I tried my best to flirt with Till without being too obvious, however it didn't help that when there would be the slightest sexual tension between the two of us, one of us would get a friendly elbow jab accompanied by a chorus of giggles from Schneider and Richard.  
That evening we met the rest of the boys at the restaurant and were led to a large, round table that had an even larger round booth around it for seating. We all squeezed in, Till and I next to each other, in the middle of the entire group.  
“Well, while all of you sit here, I think I’ll go check out that bar,” Richard said, eyeing up the impressively large bar that was across the room. “Would anyone care to join me?” He offered.  
“I will!” I replied, having had interest in that bar since we had first walked in. Flake, Oli, and Jonas, who were sitting to my left gave me a look of great disdain and scooched over and allowed me out of the booth. Richard and I then turned to head to the bar, our sights set on getting some liquor. As soon as we took our first steps away from the table, we heard a deep baritone voice call out to us.  
“Wait! I’ll come too!” Till yelled, making the men get up once again, earning groans and eyerolls from his fellow band members who had to leave the comfort of their seats to let him out of the booth. Richard looked at Till and quirked his brow seemingly curious about his behavior. They kept staring each other down, both of the men seemingly exchanging a sort of non-verbal communication. After a few seconds of tense, awkward silence I decided that it was time to move. I grabbed Richard and Till’s hands and pulled them along. They finally decided to end the silence by resorting to German to carry on their strange communication between each other. I rolled my eyes and continued leading them to the bar. I couldn't help but wonder what on earth they were talking about. There were very few times when they would speak German around me, and when they did it was often in an effort to keep me from knowing about what they were conversing. As a result, I could only worry about what they could possibly be saying. Had Richard found it strange that Till urgently decided to come with or had it been something stupid I said unknowingly? The only way to find out was ask and have them tell me, which I tried to refrain from doing, attempting to avoid seeming nosey and intrusive.  
After what felt like forever, we finally got to the bar, the two men too preoccupied with their conversation to order anything. After watching them for a few seconds I realized that the only way to get their attention was to use liquor. I ordered three tequila shots, knowing that would bring them back to the real world. The bartender slapped three small shot glasses down in front of me and like that, Till and Richard were mindlessly grabbing for the drinks. I quickly moved to block their path to the drinks. When their hands hit a person rather than shot glasses they looked down at me, almost surprised by my presence.  
“You guys know I absolutely love it when you speak German, but when it's just the three of us it gets a little awkward when I can't understand a word you guys are saying,” I stated bluntly, feeling a little pushy and needy for saying it. Both of the men then sported a look of realization on their face.  
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Richard said apologetically.  
“Me too,” Till added. I smiled up at them.  
“It's okay. So what were you guys talking about that was such a secret it needed to be discussed in another language?” I asked, figuring it wouldn't hurt to try and see if they'd tell me, despite how annoying I felt.  
Richard laughed and Till let out a nervous chuckle.  
“Don't you worry your pretty little head about it,” Richard said, his tone becoming a little more serious. I simply looked at him speechlessly and turned and grabbed a shot glass. Letting the topic drop, Till and Richard did the same and we all downed the shots, a strange tension in our silence. We stood there for a little longer just chatting. Till was acting strange, seeming on edge about something. He stood extremely close to me with his arm wrapped loosely around my waist. I then felt him move his hand along my waist and slip his hand into my back pocket. I couldn't help but get a little flustered. Holy shit, Till’s hand is on my butt, I thought, shocked by what he was doing. I was so taken aback, I barely said a word throughout the rest of the conversation, allowing Till and Reesh to carry on. Following a lull in the conversation, Richard suddenly got a devilish look on his face.  
“Jordan, you said you liked to hear us speak German, I didn't know you enjoyed that,” he purred, as if he was building up to something.  
“Yeah. I'm not sure why but I've just always loved hearing people speak German, even if I can't understand them,” I replied, not understanding why Reesh seemed so excited by his this. He then giggled a little bit.  
“Do you think it's sexy when we speak German?” He inquired, seemingly proud of his question. I could feel myself blush while trying to think of an answer. Of course I thought it was sexy, for some odd reason the German language always had a seductive sound to me but I felt weird telling them that they in particular sounded sexy. After many uneasy seconds had passed by I bit the bullet and answered.  
“Yeah- it’s kind of sexy when you guys speak German I guess,” I replied, desperately trying to downplay the entire thing. Richard knew how uncomfortable I was and he was enjoying every minute of it- I could see it in his eyes. He began laughing hard at my response. I looked up at Till, who was also laughing, however not as hard.  
After a fit of laughter Richard continued. “Well then who's sexier when we speak German? Me or Till?” He pressed, thoroughly enjoying my embarrassment. I gazed up at him with a look of “please don't do this to me.” I smiled nervously, not knowing what to do. On one hand, it would be extremely embarrassing to admit that I thought Till speaking German was sexy (which it was) but I also didn't want to make him think that I wasn't into him. After all, I had just decided that I needed to be more forward with him. Telling myself that I would get nowhere with Till if I didn't take opportunities like this to show him how I feel a little I mustered up all of the courage I could and forced myself to respond.  
I pretended to think about it for a second, as if I was really considering who sounded sexier.  
“I think that Till might sound sexier. He has that deep, baritone voice. It compliments the German,” I responded, hating Richard at the moment. Richard smiled slyly at me as Till grinned bashfully and chuckled. Satisfied with himself, Richard suggested we head back to the table. On our way back, Richard brought up the back of the group. I turned to talk to him and I couldn’t utter a word when I saw him staring at Till’s hand still in my back pocket. Noticing that I was now watching him, he grinned wildly at me and stifled laughter. I quickly looked away from him, praying to God he wouldn’t say anything.  
Once we all got back to the table, we all took our original seats, Till and I squeezed in the middle of everybody. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Richard whispering something to Schneider, who in turn whispered something to Paul. I shot Reesh a death-glare, knowing that he was talking about Till’s hand in my back pocket. Seeing my hostile expression, he immediately calmed down and motioned to Paul and Schneider to drop the topic.  
Despite the tense mood of those few moments the rest of the dinner went smoothly. When we all finished eating, Jonas, Oli, and Paul made their way to the bar while the rest of us stayed back at the table. I was still on edge from the torture Reesh had put me through back at the bar, however it was oddly calming having Till by my side the entire time. I couldn't help but stare at him on several occasions throughout that night, thinking about how badly I wanted him. There was something about him, he practically oozed sex appeal, yet had a head on his shoulders and was a very sweet, yet pleasantly dominant man. It didn't help that he stayed incredibly close to me all night, almost constantly pressed up against me, even after there was room to spread out in the booth after a few of the guys went to the bar. As we were listening to Schneider tell some embarrassing story from his childhood I felt Till brush his foot against mine. I ignored it, thinking it was an accident but he did it again, nudging my foot a little harder this time. I stifled a grin upon realizing what he was doing. The third time he did this, I reciprocated and gently wrapped my ankle around his. When I did this, he grinned and bit his lip, trying to be subtle in front of the other men. We sat like this for some time, Till seeming satisfied with himself.  
Eventually all of the guys migrated to the bar, leaving Till and I at the table. He stayed sitting right up against me, our ankles still around each other. We were talking about the show that happened the day before when Till abruptly changed the topic.  
“So do you really think it's sexy when I speak German?” He asked.  
I couldn't helped but be a little stunned. I laughed, silently cursing Richard in my head. Not knowing how else to answer the question I answered honestly.  
“Yeah, I do,” I replied nervously. Till smiled and seemed pleased with my answer. He then carried on the conversation as if this was totally normal.  
He told me stories of when he was young, growing up in East Germany. I was totally captivated, for I had always loved learning about life behind the Iron Curtain. He told me about how he got his first record and how he got into music. I could have sat there for hours, just listening to him talk.  
After a little while the conversation lulled for a second and I took a sip of my wine. I could practically feel Till watching me and turned to find him staring at me. I smiled slightly, not quite sure what to do at that particular moment. That was when I noticed a small gash right by his temple.  
“What happened there?” I asked, inspecting the wound from a distance.  
“This?” Till responded, and pointed to it.  
“Yeah, was that from when you hit yourself with the microphone last night?” I inquired, perplexed by the cut’s origin. With all that Till did onstage for the sake of shocking the audience it could have been anything.  
“Ja, it’s nothing really,” he replied, trying to downplay it.  
“Well do you mind if I take a closer look at it?” I asked, just wanting to make sure it wasn't deep or anything. Knowing Till, he would just ignore it, no matter how severe it was.  
“Go ahead,” he said, almost shocked by my caring. He bent down a little bit so that I could take a better look. I put my hand on his head and placed my thumb so that it was right under the gash. It appeared to be nothing but it never hurts to check. As I looked at the cut I unknowingly placed my other hand on Till’s cheek. I only noticed I had done this when I felt him put his hand on top of mine.  
“Oh, sorry,” I said, hoping that my accidental placing of my hand wasn't seen as too intrusive.  
“It's okay, don't apologize,” he replied as I slowly slipped my hand out from underneath his, which had kept my hand resting softly against his cheek.  
Not breaking eye contact, he stared at me for a few seconds not saying a word. “God, your eyes are beautiful,” he husked. I smiled and blushed.  
“Thanks,” I replied shyly and smiled.  
Before I could even register what was happening, Till placed his hand along my jaw, his fingers entwined in my hair. He ever so gently pulled my face closer to his and placed his lips on mine, in a passionate kiss. Giving into the kiss, I reached my arm around his neck and placed a hand on his chest, sighing a little as he gently slipped his tongue into my mouth. After a few seconds of pure bliss, we slowly pulled away from each other.  
I exhaled deeply and smiled a while biting my lip a little bit. I then looked up at Till, who upon making eye contact smiled sweetly.  
“God, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that,” he purred, sounding satisfied with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I know that it has been such a long time since I last updated this story and I wanted to assure everybody that I have not abandoned this work. I have been trying to work on the next chapter whenever I get a chance however my schedule has become an utter shit show and I have had barely any time to work on this. To make matters worse, when I have had the chance to work on the next chapter I have had terrible writer's block and I have been getting very frustrated with my writing. But to all of the wonderful people out there who have been reading this I assure you that I will be updating this as soon as I can which might be a little farther away than I would hope, but I will do my best to keep working and try to get the new chapter posted as soon as possible. Thank you to all who have been reading, commenting, and leaving kudos- it means so much to me and motivates me to keep working! I hope to get the next chapter ready soon and I might be posting another Rammstein fanfic that I started a while ago. Until then, thank you so much for reading and I hope that all of you continue to enjoy the story!!!


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrated with where she has gotten stuck with Till, Jordan must force herself to be more up front with him. Will this work to her advantage or destroy how far they have come?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I know it has taken a little while for me to get this chapter up, but I was had bad writer's block and couldn't really decide where I wanted the story to go in this chapter. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has commented, you have all been big motivators for me to keep working! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and all that is to come!

I woke up in the middle of the night to find somebody’s bare back pressed up against mine. In an instant, the memories of the day before came flooding back to me. I felt my heart flutter a little bit at the memory of my night with Till, spent discussing anything and everything. This light, floaty feeling disappeared when a craving for a cigarette came crashing over me. I tried my hardest to fight it and go back to sleep, trying to avoid waking Till by getting up. I let a few minutes pass, desperately trying to stifle my cravings. My urges got the best of me and I gave in, and I started to inch my way out of bed. As I moved away from Till, cold air rushed over my back, my t-shirt not providing near the heat that Till did. I finally got out of bed, grabbed my cigarettes and made my way to the sliding door that led to the balcony.  
As I made my way past Till’s side of the bed I couldn't help but be in awe of how peaceful he looked, the towering giant suddenly seeming small and vulnerable. I stopped and stared at how strangely calm and innocent Till looked. Realizing that too many seconds had gone by and I was airing on the side of creepy I finally snuck out onto the balcony, careful to leave the door open just a crack so I wouldn't be locked out. I sat cross legged in a chair , mindlessly puffing on my cigarette. My mind was racing, thinking about Till and how hard I was falling for him. I had the support from everybody and Adette had almost flat out told me that Till liked me- at least enough to tell her about it, so why was I holding back? More importantly, what was I going to do to move this forward? I tried brainstorming a bunch of different ways to make the next step, but every plan I thought out in my head seemed ill-conceived.  
My planning attempts ceased when the sound of a sliding door opening startled me. I looked up to find a half asleep Till stumbling out the door.  
“Did I wake you?” I asked, hoping that I didn't.  
“Nein,” he replied, groggily. “But will you share that with me?” He asked, gesturing to the cigarette in between my fingers.  
I held the cigarette out, offering it to him. He grabbed it, and took a long drag, his muscles visibly relaxing as he did so. He walked over to the railing and leaned on it, still smoking my cigarette.  
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked.  
“What’s that?” I replied, needing clarification.  
“The city. I love the city at night, when it’s all lit up. It’s so pretty” I then got up out of my chair to see what he was talking about, but also partly because I wanted my cigarette. I stood next to him, our sides pressed against each other. I plucked my cigarette out of his fingers and leaned on the railing, looking out over the city.  
“It really is,” I said quietly, mesmerized by the lights. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him sweetly grinning at me. I looked up at him and smiled, remembering why I fell for him. I went back to looking at the city and felt an arm wrap around me and rest right by my arm on the railing. When he did this I nestled my head between his neck and his shoulder, both of us not saying a word.  
“I’m glad you came on this tour,” he said softly. I suddenly felt giddy. I smiled to myself and grabbed his hand.  
“I am too,” I responded and turned to place a kiss on his jaw. He smiled bashfully and chuckled, tightening his arm around me. We stood outside for a little longer, just enjoying each other’s company. I felt thoroughly happy standing there with him, but I couldn’t help but feel that maybe Till didn’t want anything more between us. It would have been the perfect moment for him to move things forward and I thought that the kiss I gave him would have been a clear green light, but he didn’t do anything, not one single thing.  
I decided to silence these insecure thoughts and enjoy standing there with Till holding me close. After a few more minutes of intently watching the city below Till broke the silence.  
“How about we get back to bed,” he suggested and yawned.  
“That sounds good,” I replied. We both went back inside and crawled back into bed, attempting to fall back asleep in the few short hours we had until we were required to wake up and join the rest of society.

********  
The next day was full of rushing around, trying to prepare for that night’s show. Everything ended up going smoothly, but it was an extreme amount of ceaseless running around, urgently trying to get one thing done so you could move on to the next. I was so exhausted from that day alone that I actually slept through the night when I got back to the hotel.  
Following the day of chaos, the band had the day to themselves, which I spent walking around the city with Richard, Christoph, and Till. The rest of the guys decided to stay back at the hotel with Jonas, who had been working on establishing when and where he would be meeting with clients.  
It was the first relaxing day we had in awhile and we enjoyed every minute of it. We packed our bags early in the morning and had the rest of the guys put them on the bus for us so we could stay out late and not have to worry about getting back early to pack, giving us enough time to get to the next city. We decided to have the rest of the guys meet us at a restaurant down town for a low key night and a nice dinner.  
Throughout the day we wandered around to various different bars and shops and surprisingly encountered no fans. It was nice to have the day to laugh and have fun, without a care in the world. I tried my best to flirt with Till without being too obvious, however it didn't help that when there would be the slightest sexual tension between the two of us, one of us would get a friendly elbow jab accompanied by a chorus of giggles from Schneider and Richard.  
That evening we met the rest of the boys at the restaurant and were led to a large, round table that had an even larger round booth around it for seating. We all squeezed in, Till and I next to each other, in the middle of the entire group.  
“Well, while all of you sit here, I think I’ll go check out that bar,” Richard said, eyeing up the impressively large bar that was across the room. “Would anyone care to join me?” He offered.  
“I will!” I replied, having had interest in that bar since we had first walked in. Flake, Oli, and Jonas, who were sitting to my left gave me a look of great disdain and scooched over and allowed me out of the booth. Richard and I then turned to head to the bar, our sights set on getting some liquor. As soon as we took our first steps away from the table, we heard a deep baritone voice call out to us.  
“Wait! I’ll come too!” Till yelled, making the men get up once again, earning groans and eyerolls from his fellow band members who had to leave the comfort of their seats to let him out of the booth. Richard looked at Till and quirked his brow seemingly curious about his behavior. They kept staring each other down, both of the men seemingly exchanging a sort of non-verbal communication. After a few seconds of tense, awkward silence I decided that it was time to move. I grabbed Richard and Till’s hands and pulled them along. They finally decided to end the silence by resorting to German to carry on their strange communication between each other. I rolled my eyes and continued leading them to the bar. I couldn't help but wonder what on earth they were talking about. There were very few times when they would speak German around me, and when they did it was often in an effort to keep me from knowing about what they were conversing. As a result, I could only worry about what they could possibly be saying. Had Richard found it strange that Till urgently decided to come with or had it been something stupid I said unknowingly? The only way to find out was ask and have them tell me, which I tried to refrain from doing, attempting to avoid seeming nosey and intrusive.  
After what felt like forever, we finally got to the bar, the two men too preoccupied with their conversation to order anything. After watching them for a few seconds I realized that the only way to get their attention was to use liquor. I ordered three tequila shots, knowing that would bring them back to the real world. The bartender slapped three small shot glasses down in front of me and like that, Till and Richard were mindlessly grabbing for the drinks. I quickly moved to block their path to the drinks. When their hands hit a person rather than shot glasses they looked down at me, almost surprised by my presence.  
“You guys know I absolutely love it when you speak German, but when it's just the three of us it gets a little awkward when I can't understand a word you guys are saying,” I stated bluntly, feeling a little pushy and needy for saying it. Both of the men then sported a look of realization on their face.  
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Richard said apologetically.  
“Me too,” Till added. I smiled up at them.  
“It's okay. So what were you guys talking about that was such a secret it needed to be discussed in another language?” I asked, figuring it wouldn't hurt to try and see if they'd tell me, despite how annoying I felt.  
Richard laughed and Till let out a nervous chuckle.  
“Don't you worry your pretty little head about it,” Richard said, his tone becoming a little more serious. I simply looked at him speechlessly and turned and grabbed a shot glass. Letting the topic drop, Till and Richard did the same and we all downed the shots, a strange tension in our silence. We stood there for a little longer just chatting. Till was acting strange, seeming on edge about something. He stood extremely close to me with his arm wrapped loosely around my waist. I then felt him move his hand along my waist and slip his hand into my back pocket. I couldn't help but get a little flustered. Holy shit, Till’s hand is on my butt, I thought, shocked by what he was doing. I was so taken aback, I barely said a word throughout the rest of the conversation, allowing Till and Reesh to carry on. Following a lull in the conversation, Richard suddenly got a devilish look on his face.  
“Jordan, you said you liked to hear us speak German, I didn't know you enjoyed that,” he purred, as if he was building up to something.  
“Yeah. I'm not sure why but I've just always loved hearing people speak German, even if I can't understand them,” I replied, not understanding why Reesh seemed so excited by his this. He then giggled a little bit.  
“Do you think it's sexy when we speak German?” He inquired, seemingly proud of his question. I could feel myself blush while trying to think of an answer. Of course I thought it was sexy, for some odd reason the German language always had a seductive sound to me but I felt weird telling them that they in particular sounded sexy. After many uneasy seconds had passed by I bit the bullet and answered.  
“Yeah- it’s kind of sexy when you guys speak German I guess,” I replied, desperately trying to downplay the entire thing. Richard knew how uncomfortable I was and he was enjoying every minute of it- I could see it in his eyes. He began laughing hard at my response. I looked up at Till, who was also laughing, however not as hard.  
After a fit of laughter Richard continued. “Well then who's sexier when we speak German? Me or Till?” He pressed, thoroughly enjoying my embarrassment. I gazed up at him with a look of “please don't do this to me.” I smiled nervously, not knowing what to do. On one hand, it would be extremely embarrassing to admit that I thought Till speaking German was sexy (which it was) but I also didn't want to make him think that I wasn't into him. After all, I had just decided that I needed to be more forward with him. Telling myself that I would get nowhere with Till if I didn't take opportunities like this to show him how I feel a little I mustered up all of the courage I could and forced myself to respond.  
I pretended to think about it for a second, as if I was really considering who sounded sexier.  
“I think that Till might sound sexier. He has that deep, baritone voice. It compliments the German,” I responded, hating Richard at the moment. Richard smiled slyly at me as Till grinned bashfully and chuckled. Satisfied with himself, Richard suggested we head back to the table. On our way back, Richard brought up the back of the group. I turned to talk to him and I couldn’t utter a word when I saw him staring at Till’s hand still in my back pocket. Noticing that I was now watching him, he grinned wildly at me and stifled laughter. I quickly looked away from him, praying to God he wouldn’t say anything.  
Once we all got back to the table, we all took our original seats, Till and I squeezed in the middle of everybody. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Richard whispering something to Schneider, who in turn whispered something to Paul. I shot Reesh a death-glare, knowing that he was talking about Till’s hand in my back pocket. Seeing my hostile expression, he immediately calmed down and motioned to Paul and Schneider to drop the topic.  
Despite the tense mood of those few moments the rest of the dinner went smoothly. When we all finished eating, Jonas, Oli, and Paul made their way to the bar while the rest of us stayed back at the table. I was still on edge from the torture Reesh had put me through back at the bar, however it was oddly calming having Till by my side the entire time. I couldn't help but stare at him on several occasions throughout that night, thinking about how badly I wanted him. There was something about him, he practically oozed sex appeal, yet had a head on his shoulders and was a very sweet, yet pleasantly dominant man. It didn't help that he stayed incredibly close to me all night, almost constantly pressed up against me, even after there was room to spread out in the booth after a few of the guys went to the bar. As we were listening to Schneider tell some embarrassing story from his childhood I felt Till brush his foot against mine. I ignored it, thinking it was an accident but he did it again, nudging my foot a little harder this time. I stifled a grin upon realizing what he was doing. The third time he did this, I reciprocated and gently wrapped my ankle around his. When I did this, he grinned and bit his lip, trying to be subtle in front of the other men. We sat like this for some time, Till seeming satisfied with himself.  
Eventually all of the guys migrated to the bar, leaving Till and I at the table. He stayed sitting right up against me, our ankles still around each other. We were talking about the show that happened the day before when Till abruptly changed the topic.  
“So do you really think it's sexy when I speak German?” He asked.  
I couldn't helped but be a little stunned. I laughed, silently cursing Richard in my head. Not knowing how else to answer the question I answered honestly.  
“Yeah, I do,” I replied nervously. Till smiled and seemed pleased with my answer. He then carried on the conversation as if this was totally normal.  
He told me stories of when he was young, growing up in East Germany. I was totally captivated, for I had always loved learning about life behind the Iron Curtain. He told me about how he got his first record and how he got into music. I could have sat there for hours, just listening to him talk.  
After a little while the conversation lulled for a second and I took a sip of my wine. I could practically feel Till watching me and turned to find him staring at me. I smiled slightly, not quite sure what to do at that particular moment. That was when I noticed a small gash right by his temple.  
“What happened there?” I asked, inspecting the wound from a distance.  
“This?” Till responded, and pointed to it.  
“Yeah, was that from when you hit yourself with the microphone last night?” I inquired, perplexed by the cut’s origin. With all that Till did onstage for the sake of shocking the audience it could have been anything.  
“Ja, it’s nothing really,” he replied, trying to downplay it.  
“Well do you mind if I take a closer look at it?” I asked, just wanting to make sure it wasn't deep or anything. Knowing Till, he would just ignore it, no matter how severe it was.  
“Go ahead,” he said, almost shocked by my caring. He bent down a little bit so that I could take a better look. I put my hand on his head and placed my thumb so that it was right under the gash. It appeared to be nothing but it never hurts to check. As I looked at the cut I unknowingly placed my other hand on Till’s cheek. I only noticed I had done this when I felt him put his hand on top of mine.  
“Oh, sorry,” I said, hoping that my accidental placing of my hand wasn't seen as too intrusive.  
“It's okay, don't apologize,” he replied as I slowly slipped my hand out from underneath his, which had kept my hand resting softly against his cheek.  
Not breaking eye contact, he stared at me for a few seconds not saying a word. “God, your eyes are beautiful,” he husked. I smiled and blushed.  
“Thanks,” I replied shyly and smiled.  
Before I could even register what was happening, Till placed his hand along my jaw, his fingers entwined in my hair. He ever so gently pulled my face closer to his and placed his lips on mine, in a passionate kiss. Giving into the kiss, I reached my arm around his neck and placed a hand on his chest, sighing a little as he gently slipped his tongue into my mouth. After a few seconds of pure bliss, we slowly pulled away from each other.  
I exhaled deeply and smiled a while biting my lip a little bit. I then looked up at Till, who upon making eye contact smiled sweetly.  
“God, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that,” he purred, sounding satisfied with himself.


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Till takes Jordan by surprise and kisses her she doesn't know what to think. Not only does she have to figure out what this means for her and Till, she has to figure out how to address this issue with the rest of the guys during a night she would have never imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there everybody! Holy shit it's been a while! I know that it has taken me a ridiculously long time to post this and in all honesty, the next chapter will probably take a good amount of time to, seeing as I have barely any time to work on my writing. I'm so sorry for the wait, but I really hope that you guys enjoy this chapter. I think it's something you all have been waiting for for a long time now ;). I was really afraid to write this in fear of never having done something quite like this so that's part of the reason why this took so long. Anyways, I hope that this turned out as you guys have hoped and overall, you all enjoy this chapter! Any feedback good or bad is much appreciated! Happy Reading!

Chapter 11  
    Till stared at me, his green eyes smoldering. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” he purred, not breaking eye contact with me. I couldn’t help but let out a shy grin.  
    “Me too,” I replied breathlessly, barely able to form coherent sentences at the moment. I broke our eye contact, trying to make sense of the thoughts that were racing through my mind. My head was spinning, did that really just happen? Till smiled at my feeble attempt of a reply as we locked eyes again. Suddenly our lips were meeting again for another kiss, only this time more aggressively. I wrapped my arms around his neck again and in turn, his hands migrated down to my hips. We held each other closer this time, Till pulling me so close I was almost sitting on his lap. After one of the most passionate kisses I had ever received, we finally pulled our lips away from each other, however we still held each other, our foreheads resting against one another. We sat there like that shortly until Till pressed another short, sweet kiss on my lips.  
    “Let’s go somewhere,” he suggested, sounding more excited than I had ever heard him.  
    “Like where?” I asked, unsure of where he was going with this.  
    “I think I know a place you might enjoy,” he said, “come with me,” he then grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him, not giving me a chance to object.  
    He walked briskly over to the bar, clearly on a mission. I practically had to run to keep up with his long strides, unsure of where exactly I was being whisked off to. Once we got to the bar, Till found the rest of the guys and made his way over to them. I felt the slightest bit of dread when I saw that he was walking over to them, not having any desire to deal with their jokes about the two of us. Usually I had no problem with it, however as of right now, I was in no mood to deal with their oddly comedic, yet strange comments.  
    “We’re going to go around the city for a bit, we’ll meet you back on the bus,” Till told them, his hand still firmly grasping mine. Realizing that they had no idea what had happened back at the table, it occurred to me that this would not seem anything but normal. The other guys knew that we had a tendency to do things just the two of us, so a walk around the city would be seen as typical behavior.  
    “Okay, we’ll see you on the bus,” Schneider replied, almost completely uninterested.  
    “Have fun,” a few of the guys yelled as we turned to leave. I smiled to myself- they were utterly clueless.  
    I knew that we would have to tell them at some point, however I didn’t even know if these few moments of heated passion meant something more would form between me and Till or if they were simply a way for him to deal with any sexual frustration he was feeling. I knew he hadn’t been fooling around with anybody during the time I had been on tour with them, (he was by my side practically the entire time, if he had been I would have known) and if the lyrics to his songs indicated anything about his sex drive, then a few month dry spell would probably have him looking for any possible way to rid himself of that frustration.  
    As I tried to rid myself of these negative thoughts and entertain the idea of something more forming between us, Till led me out of the restaurant, into the cool air of the night.  
    “Where are we going?” I asked, excited to spend time with him. At that moment, he could have told me we were doing anything in the world and I would have been happy as long as he was by my side.  
    “Trust me,” he insisted, grabbing my hips and pulling me in for yet another kiss. After a few blissful moments I slowly pulled my lips away from Till’s. He smiled at me, his eyes full of lust. His stare sent shivers down my spine. I was in utter disbelief that this was actually happening.  
    “Come on,” he said, breaking our silence. He wrapped an arm around me and started leading me to wherever it was he intended to go.  
    We walked at a brisk pace, the air becoming cooler now that the sun was going down. We couldn’t stop talking and laughing, and it suddenly felt like many boundaries just disappeared.  
    After a short walk we arrived at a park that was just by the river, a small patch of nature in the vast urban landscape. Till turned to me with a huge grin on his face.  
    “I remember you told me that you loved nature, and even told me that you’d rather go for a walk in the park as a date than a fancy dinner,” he explained. A smile spread across my lips, for I was shocked that he had remembered this. We had been talking about finding love and dating late one night when we both weren’t able to sleep and I had confessed this to him. (Usually I wouldn’t have said anything about dating life, afraid of being too outright, but I was rather tipsy at the time, making my better judgement disappear.)  
    “Till,” I said, struggling to find a response to show how much I loved this. “You remembered that?” I asked in disbelief.  
    “Of course I did,” he replied, almost shocked that I thought he wouldn’t remember the things I told him. “I try to remember everything you tell me.”  
    I was unable to speak other than to say his name just above a whisper. I looked at him, a wide smile forming across my lips. He grinned sweetly at me, with a special look in his eye that told me he knew what he had just said made me melt. Still smiling, he placed a short kiss on my cheek.  
    “Come on,” he said, as he began walking through the park.  
    The park was very beautiful despite it being incredibly small, with large weeping willow trees scattered throughout the landscape and a path that ran alongside the river. I looked around, in awe of what a perfect night it had become. It was relaxing to be in a place where everything seemed to slow down and having Till by my side made it that much more enjoyable.  
    Till and I walked along side by side, talking endlessly, as per usual. When I would look up at him and we would make eye contact, I could feel my heart flutter. Here I was, with the man I had been silently falling in love with for what felt like forever on an outing that I could only assume was a date. I had to resist the urge to just kiss him every time I looked at him and felt giddy when our hands would accidentally graze against each other as we strolled along. As I was telling Till about my home town our hands brushed against one another again, only this time Till grabbed my hand, our fingers interlocking with each other. We had held hands before but somehow this time was different. I stopped mid sentence, despite my best efforts to act nonchalant when he did this. I looked up at Till and laughed nervously.  
    “What?” he asked, stopping in the middle of the path to look at me.  
    “I just really like this,” I responded, unable to suppress how I was feeling. Luckily, this seemed to please Till. He pulled me in close, letting my hand go so he could firmly grasp both of my hips. I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing up against him. Till lowered his head and gently kissed me. A feeling of bliss washed over me and all too quickly, he broke the kiss. Wanting more, I looked up at him, only to find him staring me down. Once we made eye contact, a devilish grin formed on his lips and he started kissing me again, this time his lips migrating down to my neck, continually kissing me. While admittedly I loved it, I was worried that I was treading dangerously close to one night stand territory.  
    I slipped my arms from around his neck so I could try and push him away. In the process, a small sigh of pleasure escaped from my lips despite my best efforts to seem aloof. I mentally scolded myself as I tried to push the large man off of me.  
    I started off trying to remain calm, repeating his name to try to get his attention. “Till… Till…” I muttered, pushing against his muscular chest. I then decided that he wouldn’t listen to me with my gentle approach. “Till!” I said with a more forceful tone, borderline shouting at him. He finally stopped and looked up at me.  
    “Listen, Till,” I started off, struggling to think of the right words. Till looked at me, almost with puppy-dog eyes. Worried about sounding as if I wanted to stop things I continued speaking. “I am having a really great time right now, but I was wondering,” I paused before I admitted my confusion. “I was just wondering if you meant for this to be a one night stand sort of thing, or if you meant for this to lead to other things, maybe even a relationship forming between us,” I blurted out, my heart racing. I had never been so upfront with him about this matter so I was incredibly nervous to talk about whatever feelings were between us.  
    Till looked at me with a gentle smile and took my hand.  
    “I’ve been having one night stands with basically any girl I want for a long time,” he started off, “I’m at the point I’m tired of the typical one night stands. Those girls are only fun for one night, I’m looking for something that would last longer than that,” he explained.  
I stood there, silent. Once again I was totally unsure of what to say as I processed what Till had just said to me. Did he just confess that he was actually looking for a relationship- with me?  
    Noticing that I wasn’t going to be the one to say anything he continued.  
    “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to get enough of you in just one night,” he husked, his eyes scanning my entire body and his devilish grin reappearing as he spoke. I tried to suppress a shy smile by biting my lip, for I knew exactly what he was implying when he said this and couldn’t help but feel excited about what he was suggesting. I returned his devilish grin, and moved closer to him. When I got close enough to him I reached up and gently rested my hand on his cheek. Responding exactly how I hoped he would, Till lowered the his head, closing the gap between his lips and mine as I pressed my hips against him. After what felt like an eternity his lips finally reached mine, providing me with the feeling that I had become incredibly accustomed to in the past hour or so.  
    It started off like any ordinary kiss but before I could register what was even happening, it was growing more and more heated. I couldn’t help myself, I had been waiting for a moment like this for so long I didn’t care if we were in public, practically making out in a park, I was with Till, and everything felt perfect. Our hands migrated to different places on each other’s bodies, Till having a firm grasp on my butt as I ran my fingers through his hair. This continued for a little while, our hands exploring places they had been waiting to feel for a while, our lips expressing the feelings we had both felt for each other for such a long time.  
We were truly in a world of our own until I remembered that we were supposed to be meeting the guys back at the bus. I had lost all track of time and didn’t want to get back too late and have to explain ourselves. Telling the rest of the guys was still too intimidating and I didn’t want to jump the gun and tell them all about the possible relationship only to have it blow up in my face and become an embarrassing failure. Till must have noticed that I wasn’t paying much attention to what we were doing because he slowly pulled away from me.  
    “That was good,” he muttered before I could totally interrupt the moment and ask what time it was.  
    All I could say was “Yeah.” He was right. It was good. It was more than good- but at that moment I had the feeling that words were escaping both of us. We stood there in silence for a few moments until I remembered why we had stopped in the first place. Ignoring all of the feelings of pleasure and desire I felt at that moment, I looked up at Till and asked, “What time is it?”  
    Understandably, Till seemed a bit taken aback by my swift subject change which totally interrupted the mood.  
    “Uhhh, let me check,” he muttered and took his phone out of his pocket. “It’s about 8:45.”  
    “What time do we have to be back at the bus,” I questioned, worrying about being too late.  
    “Well, they planned to leave around 9:15,” he began to explain. Before he could continue I interjected.  
    “We’ll probably have to head back soon then,” I suggested, hoping that it didn’t seem like I was rushing things along.  
    “We don’t have to,” he replied. A part of me was glad that he wanted to stay here and spend more time with me, but I was still worried about the guys would think if we got back too late.  
    “Are you sure the guys won’t mind? Won’t they wonder where we’ve been,” I blurted out, unsure of how else to get Till to understand where I was coming from.  
    He paused, seemingly thinking about the questions I had just asked. I was suddenly hoping and praying that I hadn’t seemed like I desperately want to get away from him and each second of silence between Till and I caused me more and more anxiety. I held my breath until he answered.  
    “It’s fine. I’ve spent plenty of time waiting for them when they’ve been late, they can do the same.” I sighed and decided the only way I was going to get him to listen to me was to just confess that I didn’t want to tell the guys. He would see where I was coming from, wouldn’t he?  
    “I just don’t want to have to explain what we were doing to them, you know? I just thought maybe we could keep this to ourselves for a while, just see where it goes without their influence,” I confessed, hoping that Till would agree with me. Once again, he had a devilish smirk, which made me wonder what he could possibly be thinking.  
    “We don’t have to tell them,” he started, “besides, it could be kind of sexy to have our own secret thing, hiding it from everybody.” I laughed, somewhat relieved that he was willing to hide this for a while. He smiled at me and held out his hand for me to take. “Come on,” he said, leading me along the path, his mischievous smirk never leaving his face.  
    We wandered around the park for a while, simply enjoying each other’s company. Now that I knew that Till was okay with not telling the guys about us I could finally devote all of my attention to whatever Till and I were talking about.  
    We walked along until we found a bench overlooking the river. We sat close together, Till’s arm around me as we talked and took in our peaceful surroundings.  
    It was now completely dark out and the air had become significantly cooler. I shivered slightly as a breeze came off of the river, wondering if I should snuggle up closer to Till.  
    “Are you cold?” he asked. He must have felt me shiver.  
    “A little,” I replied, looking up to see him intently watching over me.  
    “Well, here,” he said, removing his jacket. I got ready to protest and insist that he can keep his jacket on, but as soon as I felt the warmth from the coat I stopped myself.            When he draped the jacket over me I unsuccessfully tried to suppress a huge smile.  
    “But won’t you be cold,” I asked, playfully.  
    “Not if I hold on to you,” he replied. I took this as an invitation to cuddle up closer to him and draped my arm over his torso, looking up to see his reaction. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close to him, resting his head on top of mine.  
    “I hope we get the chance to do this again soon,” Till remarked, his low voice rumbling throughout his chest.  
    “Me too, Till,” I replied, mindlessly running my finger along the seam of his collar.  
    “We just get so busy, I don’t want to lose sight of this,” he lamented.  
    “Don’t worry,” I said and placed a kiss on his jaw. “Even if we don’t have time to go off and do things on our own like this, even just a few minutes of being alone with you is all I need,” I reassured him. Till flashed an almost bashful smile at me and went to say something when his phone ringing interrupted him.  
    “Oh, it’s Flake,” he stated before answering the call. “Ja?”  
     My heart sank a little when he answered. I knew exactly what this call was. The guys were wondering where we were and were calling to let us know that we were late and needed to come back to the bus.  
I sat and listened to the German babble coming through the phone, with Till giving occasional one word responses. I tried to ignore the phone call and enjoy everything before this moment had to come to an end, taking in the smell of Till’s jacket and the feeling of being held so close to him.  
    “Uh huh. Okay,” Till muttered and then ended the call with a sigh. “Well, you can probably figure out what that was about.”  
    “Yeah,” I responded getting up from the bench, Till following.  
    “Let’s go deal with these knuckleheads,” Till joked, pulling me close and leading the way  
****  
    We walked back to the bus holding each other close the whole way there. As we approached the vehicle we both stopped, reluctant to board. Instead of getting on the bus we stood outside, standing right against the part of the bus that had no windows, in an effort not to be seen.  
    “I’m really glad this happened,” Till said, leaning on the bus, facing me.  
    I felt myself blush when he said this.  
    “So am I,” I responded. Suddenly, silence fell over the both of us as we listened to someone’s loud fit of laughter coming from inside the bus. I turned my back to Till and looked up, trying to peer into the windows to see what madness was going on. As I tried to see what the men inside were doing I felt Till place his hand on my shoulder and lower his head so that it was next to mine, the stubble on his cheeks tickling my face. We both chuckled at the absurdity of our friends meanwhile enjoying our last few moments of being alone. I turned to Till to recommend that we actually go inside until I saw the look he was giving me. Just from being with him in the past hour or so I knew what was coming. Till gently placed his hand along my jaw pulling me in for another kiss before we had to pretend nothing ever happened- at least until everyone went to bed. I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, thinking about the wonderful time I had with Till, yet wishing our time together wouldn’t end. After a few moments we finally ended the kiss but still held each other close, our foreheads resting against one another. Our quiet, intimate moment was interrupted as we heard a loud thump come from inside the bus, causing us to pull away from each other.  
   “I guess we should get on,” Till said, looking towards the window again.  
   “I suppose so,” I replied, turning to walk towards the entrance to the bus. Till followed, both of us stopping in front of the door. I placed one last kiss on Till’s cheek, earning a small smile from him. I then took my first step onto the bus, preparing myself to act like nothing happened.


End file.
